I took the test on a Sunday morning. There was this stubborn thought that wouldn’t quite leave: what if? The one straggler I had under the sink had been expired for six months. Three minutes later, there was something there. Or was there? My eyes were crossing and it was so faint, it barely existed. Evaporation line? Or the beginning of a real one? So all day, I thought: what if? I went through the day, thinking so much, and at the end of a long Sunday, I made a pit stop for some non-expired tests. Back home in the bathroom, two lines. Barely. But it was there. And I didn’t even have to squint. I’d re-test in the morning, just to be sure.
At the crack of dawn, I woke up with butterflies in my stomach. I took a digital test and minutes later, a harsh “NO” was displayed on the screen. What?? Maybe the others were a fluke? I took another of the conventional variety. Two light lines (okay, so obviously I spent $40 at the drugstore). Shouldn’t this be a little darker than last night? How am I failing at pregnancy tests right now? Naturally, I was more confused than when I started. A yes and a no- I guess the digital wasn’t as sensitive? Or maybe it was accurate and the other was just wrong? I’d have to wait (obviously my forte) until later.
I lived in my anxiety all day that Monday. Distraction was the theme of the day, and by 2 p.m., I couldn’t take it any longer. I went to the drug store again and bought the fanciest pack of digital tests ever created and took one in the bathroom at work.
After the longest three minutes of my life, the answer was clear:
I tucked that happy little test into my purse, trying to figure out how to tell Trevor that we brought home a little souvenir from our beach vacation. I didn’t just want to blurt it out, but I didn’t want it to be a spectacle, either. When I got home, we started to prep for dinner. The boys were in the other room, shrieking and playing happily. Trevor and I have started getting dinner ready together- he wants to learn more about cooking, and is a great sous chef. He keeps my knives sharpened and is always up for chopping vegetables. So as he sliced mushrooms and onions, I felt the butterflies return, and I knew how to do it. I kissed his cheek and slid the test out of my pocket and into his. He reached over his pocket and felt the addition. He had a confused look on his face when, suddenly: realization.
“Are you serious?!!!”
I smiled. His whole face lit up. He pulled me in close for a hug. We stayed there for a while like that. Then we laughed. Because this is crazy. We are crazy. And we are so happy.
I never thought I’d experience a surprise like this one with our fertility history- we each have our own issues, and my PCOS demanded that I be medicated to conceive both times before. There were specialists, pills, charts, basal thermometers, time, tears and more tears. We worked hard to get those two boys!
We didn’t think it would happen like this, but we weren’t opposed to it, either. We weren’t going to intentionally try for another, but if it happened, we’d welcome it. An unexpected blessing is a blessing just the same.
This time, there was no stress. No calculating. No timing. No devastating moments crying over what hadn’t happened… .again. This time, there was only the best surprise of our lives.
Welcome to our family, sweet baby. We love you already.