by Jessica on December 28, 2009
Knox really did pretty well for himself on Christmas. Our house is so full of stuff, it is kind of insane. Our parents went a tad bit crazy with his first Christmas presents, and it really makes me wonder how nuts it will be once he is actually here! We got the Chicco pack and play and Arms Reach mini co-sleeper bassinet from my mom and stepdad, and the red Chicco Cortina travel system and second car seat base from Trevor’s parents.
Of course, we also got piles of new baby clothes and other necessities. It took Trevor MANY trips to the car to get everything inside. We also got the closet organizer with little fabric drawers, Trevor still needs to put that (and everything else!) together. I am so excited for all that organized storage space!
I still have three more loads of baby laundry to do, I don’t think I’ll ever finish it because it keeps multiplying! His dresser is almost full, already, which is crazy because it has some seriously deep drawers. Once I finish this laundry, it will be bursting at the seams. Oh, and the closet is pretty full, too. I feel like I have SO much to do before Knox gets here. I still need to wash the bottles and pacifiers and make some room in the kitchen cabinets for his feeding items. I am planning on breast feeding, but I know there will be times where I will be more than ready for Trevor to take over a feeding, so we did need some bottles!
We are going to make a run to Target tomorrow (my one hour outing for the day) to get all the little things that are left that we need (like Mylicon drops, bottle nipples, etc) and our swing. I am excited to get that all done and out of the way so I can TRY to get everything else organized. I so badly want to clean our house from top to bottom, but I am relegated to straightening very small segments at time and delegating all the rest to my husband.
It is insane to me that in just over two weeks, I will be taken off bed rest and then Knox could literally come anytime. It’s kind of terrifying. I had a stressed out day today, and I think that’s why. I start to panic about Knox’s health, going to the hospital, how I will handle labor, everything. I am trying to stay positive and just focus on all these things I have to do to prepare and not think as much about the stressful parts!
Christmas Belly:
Trevor playing with the Trio toys (like Legos for littler kids) my mom bought for him and Knox. He cannot wait to build Lego castles and pirate ships with our son. I have a feeling that Knox won’t be playing with them as much as Trevor and I will!:
by Jessica on November 30, 2009
I got touched by cat poop today. I had actually started to calm down and was pretty relaxed and happy this weekend. So of course, something had to happen. Stress literally chases me around and sneak attacks me, I think. Stupid, stupid, stupid cat. I am beginning to truly despise this particular species. This entire pregnancy, they have upset me to no end between pissing on guest beds, getting fleas everywhere, shredding furniture and, now, bringing their gross poop too close to me.
We all know the rule- no changing litter boxes or coming into contact with cat feces while pregnant. I was more than happy to bestow my cat poop duties on Trevor the second the pee stick showed two lines. Today, my caution was proven to be futile. Jack, the affectionate cat, came over to me wanting to get pet. I scratched his little head and he swished his tail happily into my other hand. Something hard hit me. POOP!! He had a little poop nugget stuck to his tail. I immediately washed my hands four times and proceeded to look in each of my pregnancy books about Toxoplasmosis. Don’t do that. Lots of scary things are caused by that disease. I am sure it’s totally fine, since I didn’t exactly squish it around in my hand or something, it barely touched me, but I am still calling the doctor tomorrow to check.
Trevor said this to me today (more or less, my memory isn’t a steel trap or something) anything in [] are my comments:
“If we ever have another baby [Knox is totally a hypothetical only child at this point in time due to his mother's paranoia], when you get pregnant I am building you a safe room. It will have a filtration system that sucks out every germ or foreign substance so it’s perfectly clean. This room will have NO internet access [I tend to over-Google and stress myself out]. In fact, the only thing that will be in this room is a radio, a TV and a copy of “The Santa Clause” on DVD [my favorite movie... seriously]. I will build a slot in the door and slip your meals into you. I will let you feel all aluminum cans for dents before I prepare your food [I am neurotic. After a food safety class in college where I learned the dangers of getting Botulism from dented cans, I now feel every can for dents before I buy it. I totally have OCD]. You will sit in the room and do nothing.”
This speech cracked me up and made me feel sorry for Trevor all at the same time. I know he is so ready for me to pop this baby out so I can calm down again!
by Jessica on November 24, 2009
I am in the midst of yet another emotional breakdown. Pregnancy paranoia has certainly set in. Sometimes I really hate myself for not being able to relax. It’s not that I am not trying to chill out and stop worrying, I literally cannot do it. One I vanquish one fear, another comes at me full force. This week, it’s that something is wrong with Knox. Chromosomal issues, abnormalities, whatever, I have been totally panicked. Why? No reason at ALL. Every single test and ultrasound we have had has looked amazing and perfectly normal. I guess I just like to bombard this poor little baby with all of my stress hormones. I begged the doctor for an ultrasound today so I could be told everything is okay, but I was denied and offered Zoloft instead. I declined. I absolutely cannot allow myself to take medication for stress, even though I probably should. This practice says Zoloft is safe during pregnancy, but I have seen a few studies that say otherwise, I am not 100% okay with that idea. Instead, I am starting counseling next week in hopes for a “natural” way to calm down. I scheduled a facial for myself this afternoon, and I moved up the 4D ultrasound (December 7th!) which I will be attending sans husband since he doesn’t want to do it. I hate that he won’t be with me, but for my own sanity, I think I should do it! Baby Knox, I am so sorry that your Momma is a total freak.
And now, as promised, updated nursery pictures. The first is of a stool that my dear, wonderful friend “Aunt Lindsey” painted for Knox and brought over last night. She is incredibly talented and it matches his room perfectly! There are even tiny palm trees on the sides. Thanks Linny Boo (<-- just her drunken nickname, I'm J. Moo in case you wondered... ah the fun we used to have getting wasted on boxed wine, playing Super Nintendo and making up names for each other)!
Palm Tree decal, new chair (aka most comfy thing ever invented) and the curtains I am recycling in here because 1) they’re cute and 2) they were very expensive. Enjoy!
Crib complete with mattress! Just add sheets and a baby! Don’t worry, the blanket will be headed to the closet once Knox is here. 
And a 29 Week Belly Pic for good measure:
by Jessica on November 9, 2009
This stress is really starting to wear me down. I am constantly terrified that something is going to happen to this baby. These awful contractions will not go away, and they are WORSE when I am at home and over the weekend. During the days in the work week, I get maybe two or three all day until I get home, and they’ll start coming five or six an hour. Same thing on the weekend. Add to that stress, now I am getting cramping in my lower abdomen which moves around to my back. Sounds like preterm labor symptoms to me, at least that what’s every single book I own says. I mention this to the doctors and they act like it’s not a big deal. I have yet another call into them today. I know they hate me over there because I have called so many times over the past few weeks. I just feel like nothing gets accomplished. I get passed around from doctor to doctor and they all tell me nothing is wrong. This does not FEEL normal at all.
I just don’t know what happened. Everything was going so well and this pregnancy had been so smooth until I got sick and everything just went down hill. I don’t see how Knox can possibly be okay in there. He is constantly squeezed by contractions and doped up with medicine that I hate to take and makes me feel like I am having a freaking heart attack. If it makes me feel that way, surely it’s not good for him. I am at the end of my rope. I don’t know what to do and how to feel better. I cry at the drop of a hat and feel like a terrible mother that is causing harm to her baby already. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to him, and I am just so scared that something will go wrong.
Maybe this all irrational, but I am so scared and tired of all of this stress. I am so ready for February so I wouldn’t have to worry about preterm labor anymore. On top of all of this, my brother has the freaking swine flu. He got the shot and then got sick. I have not been around him since this happened, but my mom decided she needed to take a 22-year old to the doctor (think he could have gone by himself!) and has exposed herself to it. I work with my mom, so that’s not good. I can’t be around her for a couple days to be safe. It’s always great to be quarantined from your mother when you’re having an emotional breakdown. Can I just go back to bed today?
by Jessica on August 13, 2009
So I barely have time to breathe, much less post. My job has gotten past the level of insanity where I am capable of keeping up with things. It is now to the point where I sit and my desk and cry because I am so busy that I literally don’t know what to tackle first. I have been using my doppler everyday, but I have not been able to find the h/b as easily and it sounds more faint (still a strong heart rate when I do find it, though) so I am hoping the baby is just in an odd position. On top of this, I have been having strong cramps for the past 24 hours straight. This freaked me out so I called the doctor, who basically gave me the choice of 1) waiting it out or 2) going in at 2:30 for an u/s. Huh… what to choose? Needless to say, I went with door #2. I’ll update you guys when I get back. Stress, stress, stress.
ETA: I am back and everything’s fine. They did an u/s to check my cervical length, which was good. I didn’t get to see the baby but for a minute, maybe, which sucked. I don’t know if it was because this u/s was internal, but everything looked fuzzy and I couldn’t really tell what anything was. Maybe it was too “close up?” I saw the spine, the heart and the head outline, but it was all so fast. The heart rate was strong at 164. I don’t know why this tech was rushing so much. She was a different girl than the one I usually see. I didn’t get to talk to a doctor because they randomly were all out in surgery. Rough day for the gynecological world, I guess. I feel reassured seeing the u/s looking good, so I will just keep an eye on things and call if they get worse. The possible reasons for the cramping I got from the nurse were 1) Stretching/ growing cramps 2) Sex (there is an enzyme in semen that can cause contracting/ cramping, FYI… DH will love this) 3) Round ligament pain.
