Category Archives: Southern Belle Baptist

Hope Remains

One of my best friends lost her five year-old this week. After almost two years of seizures, comas, hospitals and specialists, Walker is finally resting in the arms of Jesus. I keep thinking back to when all of this started. Trevor called me that morning and told me about the medical call they ran the night before. The call where his captain turned their firetruck into our friends’ neighborhood. Then onto their street. Then pulled up at their house. Each step of the way, Trevor said he kept thinking “Please don’t let this be their house.” Only it was. Karie, my dear friend, called me from the hospital and told me about the first seizures. They came out of nowhere and suddenly their vivacious, smart, talkative three year-old was having an MRI while we all prayed and wondered how to make sense of it all. Many months later, we still can’t make it make sense. Babies shouldn’t suffer and die. Parents shouldn’t have to beg for their children’s lives. These things shouldn’t happen.

Everyone is so amazed they kept going. Not just that Andy and Karie carried on, but that they did so with immense faith and never failed to point out that God was in control. They had something bigger than their fear: they had hope. Here’s the funny thing about hope- it won’t let you give up. It’s more than just a feeling or an idea; it’s a bridge that carries you from a place that doesn’t make sense into one that does. To a place where details like autoimmunity and encephalitis don’t matter, but one piece of truth reigns over everything: that Jesus Christ is Lord. He suffered and died so that when our loved ones suffer and die, it isn’t the end. His kingship rules even over death, forcing it into submission to a mighty God that loves us recklessly and without condition. A God that fights for us even beyond death. He wants more than life for us: He wants eternity.

Walker may be gone from his earthly body, now, but his short life was not without impact. More people heard the name of Jesus through Walker’s story than I could begin to count. He mattered. He still matters. He will always matter. His life has led people to surrender theirs to Christ, to trust in God’s goodness even amidst tragedy. His strength and his parents’ strength have made us stronger.

Living in this sin-wrecked world has its perils; death is one of them. When the world has gone to pieces, we can’t expect things to make sense all the time. But. Even amidst all of the uncertainty, the fear, the all-too-human questioning, one thing stands out: love. The love of a God that made the ultimate sacrifice- his own son dying on a cross so that we, along with our own sons and daughters, can live together forever in paradise.

His love gives us hope. The world is broken, but our God is unshaken. For that, we can all rejoice, knowing that He can do infinitely more than we could ever ask or imagine. He is holy. He is sovereign. He is alive. He is good. He is our hope.

The hard parts

415369dd2516dd09d1c21167594fc6b5Thank you guys for all of the congratulatory comments and messages on our pregnancy announcement! It was a great surprise, and we’re looking forward to meeting this new little person in February (or January, knowing my history of early babies). I wish I could say that this pregnancy has been super easy and all sunshine and roses, but that has not been the case. This is going to be a long post, so maybe grab a snack before you get started! I had about two days of blissful happiness after we found out before the anxiety began. Crippling, all-consuming anxiety. I’ve blogged before about my own health issues over the past year- autoimmune activity, lots of blood work and doctors, leaving me with no answers and so many questions. Extreme dry eyes and dry mouth remind me daily that something isn’t quite right. It’s like pregnancy re-ignited all of my fears and concerns, but I couldn’t get away from them. I researched and Googled until I made myself sick with worry. Then at five weeks pregnant, the numbness started. I woke up three nights in a  row with both feet completely numb and both arms tingling. Pins and needles through my arms and legs during the day and random arm numbness.

I freaked out a little. By little, of course, I mean all the way freaked out. The OB said it was too early for pregnancy-related numbness. The doctor said it was probably pregnancy-related. All that I knew was that it scared me to death, and it needed to stop. My OB did put me on a baby aspirin to see if it helped improve my circulation, but I didn’t see much difference. After another week, I decided to take a methyl B12 (I’d been on it daily before I got pregnant but stopped with the positive test). In a couple days, the numbness stopped.

Then, Knox’s Vitiligo diagnosis happened. Picture me a woman obsessed- I spent hours, HOURS a day looking at my skin, just knowing I was developing white spots at an alarming rate. Brody was looked over constantly, Knox’s existing spots reexamined daily, sometimes more. I cried all the time, paralyzed with fear. I finally called my OB and made an appointment to talk to her. This kind of worry wasn’t normal, and it wasn’t healthy. I had developed a pregnancy-induced obsessive/compulsive form of anxiety, and she immediately put me on Zoloft, which has helped immensely. I am the kind of person that cuts everything in pregnancy: no coffee, no medicine, no anything artificial, but in this case, I knew that really needed to do something to help myself. I literally felt like I was drowning under the weight of everything going on around me. I dealt with postpartum depression after Brody and took it then, as well, so I am a big fan of asking for help when you need it- it makes all the difference for both you and your baby!

Back to the numbness I was having- knowing the B12 helped so much, it made me think about something else. My mom and aunts have a gene mutation called MTHFR- it effects the way your body processes folic acid and b12. I immediately became obsessed with researching this more than I had previously (which was a lot) and requested a blood test. I was convinced that I had it, as well. Not in a panic-stricken worried way, but in an informed, “I have weird symptoms of B12 deficiency” way. Sure enough, after about two weeks I got the call from my doctor- I tested positive and she needed to talk to me about our next steps.

Well, not only did I have the one mutation that my mom has (C677T) but another as well (A1298C) which makes me compound heterozygous for the MTHFR mutation. In the case of gene mutations, more is NOT better. Having this double whammy puts me at much higher risk of blood clots, cardiovascular problems and some other fun things. In particular, it makes clots in pregnancy a very real possibility. The fact that I’ve had two relatively normal pregnancies is an amazing blessing- many women don’t discover this mutation until they have a loss or recurrent losses and get a work up done after the fact.

My OB recommend that I begin on a daily regimen of Lovenox injections into my stomach to prevent clotting. In addition, I’ll still be doing the P17 progesterone shots again that I took with Brody to prevent pre-term labor, beginning at 16 weeks. We’re waiting on authorization from the insurance company, and once that’s done, I’ll begin the shots. The other important piece to this mutation is that I cannot take Folic Acid or regular B12- my body cannot break it down efficiently, so I have to take food-ready forms of the vitamins: methylfolate and methyl b12. I had already started a prenatal with that combo a few weeks prior, thankfully, just anticipating the results. After we found out for sure, I was instructed to double the folate dosage. I am also continuing with my gluten-free diet, as many products made with flour use enriched flour, which has both folic acid and b12 added. These can be harmful and actually block the methylation pathways in my body, so I need to avoid them. I’ve had Knox tested, as well (waiting on those results), and Trevor and Brody are next up. Chances are, the boys have at least one mutation, so they’re already on the appropriate vitamins, just in case.

This stuff has been very scary, and it’s definitely sucked some of the happiness out of the first trimester, for sure. However, I know that God is bigger than all of this, and that He gave me my crazy obsessive brain for a reason- thank goodness I was proactive and requested that test because now this baby will get what he or she needs in utero and have the best chance possible. I would really appreciate your prayers for a healthy baby and mama at the end of this pregnancy- we’re praying that no other complications arise (because seriously, that’s enough!) and we can relax a bit from here on out. Aside from the whole stabbing myself in the stomach part, because I am pretty sure that won’t be relaxing!

Holy Week

So I didn’t post at all last week. Sorry, but such is life when you work at a church and it’s Holy Week. I ran around like a crazy person all week and worked EVERY SINGLE DAY. We did a huge Maundy Thursday service at church, and it was ridiculously amazing and so powerful. My favorite element was a painter that we brought in- during the entire service, she stood off to the side and painted. At the end, she had finished a portrait of Jesus on the cross, then took red paint and poured it down over him. You guys, it was incredible. Here’s the finished product:

2015-04-02 20.04.57After Maundy Thursday, it was full blast to get ready for Easter Sunday. I am heading up a new committee at church that is in charge of the environment for big events, so we all got together Saturday morning to decorate the Worship Center for Easter. It was so much fun! I love these ladies, and it is a blast to get to be creative with them. My friend, Meagan, is an incredibly talented florist and took the lead on our floral cross centerpiece. I absolutely love how it turned out:

11074139_10204038547503323_6359103482594730524_nIt was also nice to get to use some of the leftover flowers in my own house for my Easter centerpiece!

2015-04-04 15.34.19

The Easter bunny visited Knox and Brody on Saturday night since Trevor had to work on Easter Sunday (lame). We are going through a bit of a sugar problem in our house right now (aka Brody is addicted to it) so that sweet Bunny didn’t bring any candy to the boys, just a pack of fruit snacks with their new sandbox toys. They got cute buckets with little shovels and dump trucks for our sandbox since they always want to take the good toy trucks out there to play with. They also got some stretchy/squishy lizard/snake toys that Knox loves. Not too many good pictures since they were in motion the entire time, but here’s the gist:

2015-04-04 19.18.03 2015-04-04 19.16.00 2015-04-04 19.15.22

Sunday morning, the boys and I went to church to celebrate our risen Savior- what a great morning! I kept thinking I needed a picture of us, but that never happened. Oh well, we looked nice, take my word for it. Easter dinner was weird for us because Trevor worked and only my mom and sister came over for Easter dinner. Usually we have about 15 people for Easter, so it felt very empty! I would say that it felt quiet, but seeing as how my children were present, it was NOT quiet. I made a pork roast, mashed potatoes and gravy and green beans, then my sister made macaroni and cheese (and a second gluten-free mac and cheese for me), a Derby Pie and a paleo apple crisp. Have I mentioned that my sister is awesome?? I thought it was so sweet that she tried to accommodate my dietary changes- plus she works at a bakery and a really talented cook/baker, so everything she makes is awesome. Knox and Brody really like with Aunt Kayla comes over because she always comes bearing cookies!! I didn’t take a picture of the food (I know, so unlike me) except of my pork roast, after searing it, when it was going into the oven.

11136728_815800881807446_6379984071753296457_n

 

Brody was being a bit of a busybody while I was cooking, so I decided to teach him a new skill to occupy his mind and his hands! He learned how to snap the ends off of green beans, and it was pretty much the cutest thing ever. We did eat a few stems, but all-in-all, it was a valiant first effort! He was also very proud of himself, which was adorable.

11081449_815921215128746_9026243716797651325_nAfter dinner, the boys ran off their sugar high, then we went to bed! That’s pretty much how our Holy Week went- did you do anything special for Easter? What are your family traditions?

 

Plate: Full

I like to work myself to death. Well, I don’t like to do it, but I tend to. I pile up my plate until it’s overflowing- family, church, work, freelance work, side job, house work, meal planning and the list continues. Why do I do this stuff to myself?  I feel like “Oh, I can do all of that” in the moment, but then I realize what’s missing: free space. I’ve left no margin for quiet time, for reflection, for relaxation, for fun. I’ve scheduled myself into a corner.

How do I stop that?

By scheduling myself out of one.

I am now starting to make appointments with myself. How ridiculous does that sound? I know, but seriously, if it’s not on the calendar, did it even really happen? I schedule everything: times to pick up kids, appointments, meetings, small group, conference calls, etc. Why not add a little block that says “do something for yourself?”

So today, I am saying “yes” to a block of time for me and “no” to saying yes too often. I need time to breathe. I need time to be alone with God. I need white space.

I’ve forsaken that time I need to get into the Word, to pray, to seek. I can’t function that way. My focus begins to waver, my resolve drifts, my peace wanes. I need that peace. A life filled with joy and peace isn’t something that I can allow to be scheduled away- it isn’t worth it. So I’m going to take it back, take back some of my hours, some of that time and reset my focus.

There is going to be a me o’clock today.

iStock_000057529150_Medium

 

 

 

 

 

 

“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” -Psalm 62:1-2

 

It’s never simple.

Over the course of the past year, I’ve been having some health drama. I’m going to try to make this as brief as I possibly can, while still hitting the high points. Last summer, I decided I needed to find a chiropractor closer to my house. Mine is downtown (about 30 minutes away), so I tried a new one. BAD IDEA. Long story short, I ended up with a four-month headache. And I’m not talking a minor one- I mean one that would literally make you throw up it hurt so bad. I ended up going to the doctor after a month of trying to deal with it, and had every test known to man done on me. Multiple x-rays, a CT scan and two MRIs. Read: EXPENSIVE. After all of that, they still couldn’t find anything physically wrong with me. After being on muscle relaxers for four months, I finally decided to go back to my original chiropractor. I was scared to go back to anyone, but I am glad that I did- a few visits later and the pain was gone. Note to self: don’t shop for chiropractors based on proximity.

It still requires visits to the chiro about every two weeks this point to keep it at bay- I’ll feel the same head/neck pain creep back (right below the base of my skull on the right side of my neck) and know I need an adjustment. I hope that it will eventually stay in place on its own, but it was out of place for four months, so it may take some time.

Anyway, during that whole ordeal, my doctor ran a full panel of blood work on me, since they couldn’t figure out what was wrong. One of my blood tests came back with a positive ANA (anti nuclear antibodies), which can indicate an autoimmune disorder. So yeah, that was awesome. I’ve been having horrible dry eye and dry mouth since the initial chiro injury, which can be a symptom of Sjogren’s Syndrome (which my mom also has). My second round of blood work, however, showed no specific antibodies for that, or the several other things she tested me for. Because I have to keep life interesting like that. I’m not symptomatic, aside from those things, so I haven’t decided whether to go to a rheumatologist for further testing, yet. It’s never something simple, is it?

In researching, however, autoimmune diseases are only mildly terrifying (sarcasm- they actually really suck), so I have decided to be proactive. I’ve been researching like crazy, and have read a lot about the autoimmune diet protocol. It’s pretty stringent, and is basically paleo times ten. At this point, I am going to concentrate on doing a Paleo diet- a diet free of gluten and grains is supposed to reduce inflammation and thereby lessen the symptoms and problems that can come from an AI issue. I’m not being a crazy person about it, but I am sticking to it pretty well so far. Plus, I love steak, so yay. More steak. I’m still eating potatoes sometimes- grain-free is more my focus.

2015-03-22 18.23.47

I really enjoy carbs, so it’s not the most fun, but being on the Daniel Fast earlier this year taught me a lot about what I can handle as far as diet alteration goes! I made gluten-free brownies this weekend (with cocao powder and coconut sugar), and they were really pretty good for having no flour in them. I’m also using Frankincense oil daily, along with my other staples, which is apparently good for autoimmune stuff.

I’m still trying to figure out exactly what is going on just so I can know how to deal with it, but I am positive and not going to let it eat away at me while I wait (at least I am trying to do that). I know God is good all the time, and He has a great plan for me that does not include succumbing to physical illness or injury of any kind. I pray a lot and seek His presence through all of this craziness, and I know it will all work out. In the meantime, I’m eating my gluten-free brownies and blogging away the stress. I would appreciate prayers for good health and healing, though! Love you guys.

P.S. So far, my homemade deodorant is working out. People will still stand next directly next to me, and I haven’t run Trevor into the other room, yet- I’d call that a preliminary success.

Related Posts with Thumbnails