I’m having “one of those days” almost every day. I swear, I am so burnt out, I just don’t have the energy for anything. I am so sick of the constant job hunt, and I find myself thinking about it way too much. Parenting is wearing me out, too, namely because I don’t sleep any more. Weaning Brody is not going well because the kid does not want to wean. I know in my head that if I wean him, it will be a few craptastic days, then it will get better. However, I am just so darn exhausted that I cannot bring myself to willingly lose sleep for a few days, no matter how sweet the end result may be.
Knox is always on my mind, too, he’s doing well at his new preschool and with therapy, I just can’t “relax” when it comes to him and am always worrying about something. Comes with the territory, I guess.
I did find out that my current job is no longer in imminent danger of ending. I think my boss freaked out when he realized I would actually be gone and he’d be on his own, so he said “we can work something out.” While that is a huge relief, it still doesn’t change the fact that I need to find something that gives me the chance to grow and do what I really love, which is marketing. I was able to add residential into my real estate job here, which is great, so now I can do it on the side without the exorbitant fees involved with doing it for another company. I have one client right now, and hopefully I’ll sell our house in March when we put it back on the market. Maybe that will help ease the stress on our finances since I know we’ll be taking a loss on our house if and when it sells.
Right now, I feel like I am treading water and going absolutely nowhere. Do you ever feel that way? I feel like I’m waiting for something but have no idea what that something may be. I just keep praying that things will work out and that God will give me strength to power through the way I feel right now. I’m so thankful for my church family right now because those ladies keep my head above water when I start to feel like I’m sinking. I find myself waiting for Sunday each week so that I can go to church and get filled spiritually because it really does help me to make it through the stresses of life.
This has been such a rambling disaster of a post, but that’s just what I feel like right now. I think I may really need a vacation!! I find myself thinking about running away to Disney World when I feel like this… is that super weird? That’s where we went on our honeymoon, and I swear, it really is the happiest place on Earth! Maybe all of my boys and I will move to Disney World and forget about things like jobs, Autism, weaning, teething and houses to sell! Oh Mickey Mouse, you’ve got the right idea!
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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
I think you like having control, don’t we all, but are you truly giving everything up to god. Give him your worries. Work with what you can change and give everything else up to god. It is the hardest thing for me, but when I truly try I feel at peace. Try and do the best you can, as they say, leave it all out on the field, then you know that you are doing your best in life and that is all anyone wants. Make the decision and commit to it unless you change the decision. If it is too much for you to wean Brody then make the decision to wait a week a month a s re-evaluate. Being in limbo, where you try one day but don’t the next isn’t going to help you or him. If you hate your job, then continue looking for something. Keep reposting your résumé. In the case if monster.com, change the name of the resume document and repost it weekly so that it is always up top when people do searches for employees. Just having it out there is at least one step. Please don’t think I’m trying to say you aren’t doing anything or that I’m attacking you. I’m just trying to help while knowing only a tiny bit of your situation.
Angel, I don’t feel attacked at all, don’t worry. I am doing most of those things. I am very actively looking for another job, and I am giving myself a bit of a break before weaning fully. I’ve cut down a lot during the day and it’s mainly a night time thing now (which is opposite of what I was trying to do… go figure). Hopefully things will ease up soon.
I’ve had those days where I feel like I’m stuck in a rut. I hope and pray that God will give you strength to pwer thru it. It’s great that you have an awesome church family.
I can definitely relate to how you feel. I am in a similar situation right now. But what you can do is to keep going, remain positive, and let God handle it. Let go and let God. Something great will happen for you soon. That’s what I say to myself everyday. And just think how great your life is compared to others. At least you are not a single mother with 2 kids, struggling to make it everyday. You have a beautiful family and you have your faith. Everything else like your dream job and dream home will come when the time is ready- it will all fall into place. Just trust and believe!
P.S. How cool would it be to live in Disney World? No stress- just fun times every single day…
I may have missed it, but is there a reason you need to wean right now? That, at least, can totally go on the backburner! Sorry for all your stress
He’s waking me up hourly to nurse, hence the exhaustion! Knox did the same thing to me and was like a new child once I weaned at 13 months. I just need some rest!
I think we all go through “valley” times in our life. I know I do. Hang in there, and hang on to the hope of the “peak” time coming just around the corner!
I feel the same way–just trying to get through each day and trying to make the most out of the time with my boys while they’re still little (same age as yours), but they’re exhausting. And, something always happens, whether it’s pink eye for one, then it’s RSV with the other, or it’s me breaking two toes within 2 months of each other, or wrecking my knee while DH is out of town, plus holding down a full-time job and just trying to keep the house in some sort of ok shape. You’re not alone and my heart goes out to you. It always seems like you have it altogether, tho.
I don’t know if this will work for you, but thought i’d share it anyway. My good friends baby wouldn’t wean and after she turned one, the child was nursing through the night excessively and in the end my friend had to do something (much like you) she had a demanding job and another child.
What she did was sleep at her parents house for a few nights and between her mum, dad and husband they settled the child at night when she woke. This meant my friend wasn’t in the house, the baby knew that, she also knew they were not giving in and she couldn’t smell the milk/sense her mum. It worked a treat and of course their was crying, but she wasn’t left to cry for long periods. She had loving family members there and it took around 3-4 nights from memory.
I really hope you have some success! My little boy weaned himself just before 1 and I was so ready (if a little sad!) because he was constantly nursing too. I miss it, but i sure love sleep!
Best of luck you you and your lovely family
x
I’ve actually asked my inlaws if they’d help with this- hopefully it’ll work!
oh dear, life really is so complicated! I feel like there are only small amounts of comfort and most time is spent worrying about something-mostly out of our control
so sorry, just hang in there and know that you really aren’t alone, and these times will pass and things will work out! And thankfully you don’t have to go through any of this alone (literally).
Hope you feel better soon!
I feel the same way you to right now! Our house won’t sell, job stress, baby stress, etc… It can feel so overwhelming! My small group family at church has held me up. Sometimes I feel like our lessons are meant for just me! Funny, how God does that sometimes! Hang in there!
Side note… I went through a tough couple of weeks weaning my youngest too! I weaned him completely at 12.5 months, but it was tough!
Just know you have a ton of blogger support!
I happened to come across your blog and have enjoyed your honesty. I can relate to a lot of stuff you go through. It is hard being a working mom, and you do a great job. Try and remember to cut yourself some slack! You are doing your best! I have to constantly remind myself that it is unreasonable to expect myself to have the answer for everything! Hang in there!
I hear ya, we just moved (house is still on the market). Between the stress of moving, working full time and waking constantly to nurse I was losing my mind. You actually encouraged me to night wean with your initial success. The week after I quit my job I decided to wean at night. It took a few nights, but I just kept telling my 15 month old that the milk went night night and he could see it in the morning. Within 3 days he stopped asking for it and was sleeping soooo much better….. BUT then we moved and our new house fell through and we have been bouncing between hotels and family until we move to our new house and sleep and night weaning are hit or miss. But at least I am not working and we can start fresh in our new house! Lol. this too shall pass!