Not just new… Better

I owe you guys an inordinately large amount of Christmas photos and updates, but today, I just feel like talking about what this new year will bring. Last year had its share of good and bad. The best thing happened last February when we welcomed Brody into the world and became a family of four. Some not-so-great things followed with Postpartum Anxiety, an Autism diagnosis for Knox, financial stress, news of my job ending and a house that still hasn’t sold. Looking back, I see 2012 as one big ball of stress. Yes, of course there were some great times and events interspersed with that stress that were huge blessings (thank goodness), but I was pretty happy to see 2012 pass.

I am purposing to make 2013 a fabulous year. This year is bound to bring a lot of new things. Hopefully a new job (please, please, please), new school and therapy for Knox, new milestones for Brody, also hopefully a new house for us, etc. But instead of focusing on the new things, I want to focus on making things in my life better. I don’t want new for the sake of new and different. I want to take what’s here and change it into what I really want and need. I don’t just want a NEW job, I want a BETTER job. One that makes me feel good, not just pays my bills. I don’t just want a NEW house. I want a BETTER house, not in terms of things and finishes, but in terms of being where we want to be (in the country) and with whom we want to live. I want to be able to take my family’s life and turn it into something that is wonderful. Something that fits and makes us feel like we’re where we should be. I want to feel content inside, and that is something that I do not feel at all. I’ve been struggling to find contentment in my life, and that’s probably why God has held me in this place for so long. I need to learn to lean on Him more and on myself less.

One amazing thing that 2012 brought was new friendship. We joined our church back in 2010, and since then have gotten very involved in both church and Sunday school. Our Sunday school class has grown like crazy (I think it’s about 30 couples?), and we do so much together as a group. We are all in the same phase of life as young families just starting to have children, and it is amazing to form relationships with people that you just know will last. I’ve met so many great women, and for the first time in my life, I have a group of girlfriends. I’ve never felt a great connection with other women, be it personal insecurity or whatever else, but I feel comfortable in my own skin as far as what I believe in and what I stand for, and I love being able to share that. My goal for this coming year is to grow these friendships into even stronger bonds and to reconnect with friends that I haven’t spent as much time with as I would have liked.

I also want to delve deeper into God’s Word. I am a member of a women’s group that meets every other week, and that precious group makes me strive to be better in so many ways. I want to be a woman that my husband is proud to be married to and a mother that my children are proud to call “Mommy.” I want to live a Biblical example for my children, not just spout off Bible verses and drag them to church weekly. I want to set them up for a lifetime of serving the Lord. And I want them to LOVE Him. And I want to love Him even more than I do. I want to grow my faith into something bigger and better this year, which will hopefully continue for each and every year that I get to live.

I’ve learned this year about what’s truly important in life. Faith. Family. Health. Happiness. Things may not always seem perfect to people on the outside looking in. But you know what? WHO CARES?! This is my life, and I’m happy to be living it. So, here’s a toast to 2013 and making it an amazing, amazing year!

Kissing 2012 good-bye!

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