Monthly Archives: November 2012

When less than perfect is enough

This week I’ve been working on my yearly photo album. Each year around this time, I put together a book full of pictures we’ve taken throughout the year. Typically, our parents and grandparents get these as gifts on Christmas, and they absolutely love them. So do I. I don’t love raking through thousands (literally) of pictures to put these books together, but by the end, it’s a labor of love, and I’m so glad I do it. In making this year’s album, it’s crazy to see the difference a year makes. Last Thanksgiving, I was massively pregnant with Brody, and Knox was, well… just a smaller version of his silly self! He was the baby of the family just one year ago, and now, Brody has taken on that role.

This was my boy one year ago. Look at that wrinkled up nose… trouble!! He’s still trouble, in fact, he probably is more trouble than he was last year, but his sweetness far outweighs his sneakiness.

I feel so, so fortunate to be where we are. Things may not be perfect, but the important things are. Despite any troubles we face, we have each other. Where we were last year, we were happy.

But now? The fact that we get to watch this boy grow and learn each day?

We never knew we could be as happy as we are, now. It can wear you down when life comes at you hard. When relationships crumble, when money disappears, when deals fall through, when hopes are crushed, when hard news is delivered. Through all of those hard things, it’s easy to forget that God is still there. He loves us, and He’s still blessing us through it all. You just have to realize what your true blessings really are.

Things may not be exactly as I’d like them to be. I may not be working my dream job or be living in my dream house, but I am living my dream life. It’s a dream I didn’t even know that I had until I started living it. I knew I wanted a family one day, but I had no idea how much I needed the exact family that I have. Even though it’s so, so hard some days to come to terms with Knox’s difficulties, I wouldn’t change a thing about him. God gave him to us just as he is for a reason. We do all that we can for him, and we do all that we can for Brody- to give them the childhood and the lives that they deserve. We may not ever be rich or successful or powerful or perfect. But we will always love each other and be thankful for every single second we have together. For that, I am thankful. And this life? It’s enough for me, just as it is. This is our version of perfect.

The View From Here

I’ve been breast-feeding Brody now, for his entire life. About 9 1/2 months, and we’re still going strong. I fully believe that if you can make it through the first six weeks, you can make it for as long as you want to do it (determination-wise). Those first weeks are ROUGH. They can be frustrating, painful, stressful and everything in between. For us, the rest is rather blissful. Of course, I have the luxury of taking Brody to work with me, so I don’t have to deal with the pump unless I am going out somewhere on the weekends or in the evenings (this helps with the enjoyment factor).

There are many reasons that I chose to breast-feed both of my boys for their first year of life. It’s the healthiest thing for them, it’s obviously cheaper and for me, it’s easier, too. No bottles to wash or formula to mix- breast milk is always ready and always the right temperature! My favorite, favorite reason for nursing, though, is the closeness. Even though there are MANY a night where I really wish that Trevor could take over for me, or moments where Brody┬áis flailing around like a bucking bronco and driving me nuts or enacting his newest habit of biting my nipple, and I think to myself “oh my gosh, why am I still doing this??” (Yes, there is a picture coming up… it shows no more cleavage than an average bathing suit, so you’ll be just fine!)

And then there are other moments. Moments where his breathing is in sync with mine, where his hand is curled up next to his full cheeks, where his sweet curls are pressed up against my chest as he sleeps… in these moments, I think I never want this to be over. I know it’s only a matter of time before he’s too grown-up to need me so much, and that’s why I cherish this time with him. These fleeting moments will be gone far too soon, so until then, I will hold on to them. Because the view from here is oh so perfect.

House Hunters Gone Wrong

You know how when you watch HGTV, you’re all “OMG, house hunting is SO MUCH FUN!!” Um, yeah, trust me when I say, in real life, it’s really not that much fun. I had my first client house hunting expedition this weekend, and I must say, the actual house-showing part IS fun. At least for me, but maybe I’m just weird like that. I love looking at homes, I love decor and architecture, and all that it entails. You know what’s not fun? Money. Not that I didn’t know that already, but the part that’s really un-fun is when you’re *this* close to making a LOT of money and someone changes their mind about something important and that potential paycheck goes far, far away. NOT FUN. Especially when you give up precious time with your family to try to better your financial situation. You know what I’m learning? It’s not worth it. No amount of extra dough is worth the time I am having to spend away from them. Especially when everything goes to pot and I’m left wondering what exactly I missed out on time with them to gain.

I’m not quite sure what to do. I don’t know how long I should attempt this second career thing before throwing in the towel. It’s just been a couple months, but so far, I’ve spent a lot of money (MLS fees, Realtor fees, company fees, signage, etc) and made none. I think the main problem is that I don’t have enough time to devote to marketing myself. I can do the actual job well, it’s just a matter of finding serious clientele. Stupid down housing market!! BLAH. I hope things improve soon so all of this effort isn’t for naught- in the mean time, I’m continuing my other job hunt and hoping something turns up.

Pre-thanksgiving Anxiety/ Stress/ Drama/ Life Update

Life has been crazy lately, hence my absence here over the past week. There has been family drama, work drama, dramatic drama, etc. Have I mentioned that I despise drama?? I found out that my job will cease to exist as of March 1, so there’s been a mad scramble to amp up my job search. I’ve been casually looking, but now, the whole “casual” part is out the window. I had originally planned to go back to school in January, but financially, it was not going to work. Plus, let’s be honest here, I am much more interested in spending MORE time with my family right now, not less. I’ve got too much on my plate at the moment, and it’s really been taking a toll on me. I’m working my first job, then I am trying to do this residential real estate on the side- money is tight, patience is tight, sanity is tight. Too much tightness! I’m just trying to take a step back, prioritize and relax with my family as best I can during this holiday season.

Our house has seen zero action over the past three weeks, and I am sure that trend will continue through the holidays. At this point, I’m ready to be rid of it so that we can just move in with Trevor’s parents, save up money, then build our house. Luckily, since we already own our land (which will be used as our down payment), the new house will not be more expensive than our current house, so financially, it won’t be more of a stretch for us. I just want to make sure I have a new job before we start the building process, because I do not want to be strapped for money when we move in to a new house. Anyway, all this to say, I’ve been stressed out and out of time, so the blog has fallen by the wayside. Hopefully things will calm down soon, but I’m not holding my breath! Despite the stress, I am so, so thankful for my family and friends this week- we have so much to be thankful for in our lives. I’m so blessed with my husband, my kids, my church family, my home and so much more. God is really and truly good!

Transition

Yesterday I had a meeting at the elementary school where Knox will hopefully be attending preschool in January. I was hugely impressed with the professionals on his “team” and am really excited to get him into this new program. He will be dropped from BabyNet when he turns three, and will transition over to the school district for services. Also, in South Carolina, there’s a program called “PDD Waiver” that will provide similar services to BabyNet, and they just passed a legislative change allowing kids currently in BabyNet to jump to the top of the waiting list. This is awesome because now kids that have been getting therapy won’t experience a gap in services and halt progress being made. Basically, we will get more ABA service, a new coordinator and will be able to keep our current speech therapist outside of school, then he will get a whole team of specialists to work with in school.

I was very surprised at how seriously each child is taken, within our school district. They really care about each kid and are very thorough in their preparations. We had an hour-long meeting at the elementary school with the on-staff child psychologist, occupational therapist, speech therapist, assistant principal, a 5k teacher and our own interventionist. Each professional asked me questions about Knox, and we scheduled several evaluations to occur before the end of the year. He should be eligible to start at his new school on his third birthday in January. We’ll be sad to leave his current preschool where he loves to attend, but the benefits of this new school will be huge for him. It will likely be four half-days a week, but we’ll know more after his evaluations. The actual school is brand new, and SO nice. I’m so glad we chose this district to live in because they are really on top of their game in special education services.

Hopefully this transition is a smooth one for him, and we are excited to give him this opportunity for more improvement!

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