Babysitting and Big Boobs

Today, I left Knox in the capable hands of my mom for THREE WHOLE HOURS!! Okay, it felt much longer than it actually was, but I came to the conclusion that I don't like leaving my baby! I've left him for one hour increments with Trevor while I ran to Target or Publix, but this was our longest separation to date since leaving the hospital. My mom swears he didn't know I was gone, considering that he slept the entire time. He had a bottle of breast milk to hold him over until I got home, when he promptly ate again.

I had to go to the mall, which is why I didn't wait for this evening or Saturday and just have Trevor watch him (just say no to the mall on the weekends, people). I was in desperate need of a "real" nursing bra. I've been wearing stretchy sleep bras from Target that I bought before he was born since I didn't know what size I'd be, but I haven't been leaving the house much so it didn't really matter. I went to Motherhood Maternity and apparently... I'm a 34D. ??? I got measured and everything. I swear they're not that big, but sure enough, that massive size fit perfectly. I was an A cup pre-pregnancy, FYI. I still think they must be sized wrong or something! Oh, and I am really glad that the first bra I tried on fit because I totally leaked milk in it. That's so nasty to think about- I really hope some other woman didn't try on my new bras before I did and lactated all in them. Yeh, I'll be washing those tonight!

I also went to Plato's Closet to get some jeans. I decided that there was no way I was paying full price for jeans when I only have 4 pounds to go before I am at pre-pregnancy weight. Despite that fact, I seriously could not stand to wear my maternity pants anymore! It was a good plan, though trying on pants there is hard since they have a zillion brands all mixed together and all are sized differently. I ended up with a pair of Ann Taylor LOFT jeans and a pair from Express- for $24. So happy I did that! I am so glad to have an option other than pants with an elastic waist! I did some other small errands, too, but I won't bore you with the details.

I'm just so glad to be back at home, cuddling my boy. He has learned to focus on my face, and I have to say, I love seeing those big, round, blue eyes staring back at me. It's true love, I tell you. ;)

He smiled!! (And thank you!)

Knox just smiled at me! I had been getting worried because he doesn't like to focus on faces, he turns his little head away when you look at him. But this morning, I was talking to him and he was really looking at me, and the side of his mouth turned up a couple times, then... a smile! Most beautiful sight EVER!


And thank you guys so much for all your comments on the post about my dad. I got so many sweet, heartfelt messages about situations that others have gone through, and it made me realize that I am not alone in dealing with this type of situation. It also made me feel much better about how I handled things with him. I refuse to enable this type of behavior! I want my son to grow up in the best possible environment, and I am not going to expose him to that. I just won't. Can I just say that I am sorry so many of you know exactly what I'm going through with this? It sucks. :(

And just because it's been too long... pictures of Knox:







If you have a minute, vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs- link to the right! We're moving on up... #30!

Not my usual subject matter. Super long.

I don't normally talk about family stuff on here, but this situation has really been bothering me, so I decided to share. My dad is an alcoholic. He always has been. Growing up around him was not overly pleasant- he had a really bad temper and just couldn't handle the day-to-day fatherly duties. He usually worked out of town, so he was only really home on the weekends. My brother and I were always asking my mom to divorce him (we were probably around 6 and 7 at the time... that's pretty bad!) because it was stressful being around their constant fighting. They divorced when I was 12, and it was a welcome change. My mom has always been a single parent in my eyes because of how he was.

I don't feel slighted for not having a dad that was involved in my life because my mom was SO involved in our lives, and did a great job raising three kids on her own. He didn't pay child support for YEARS and owes my mom thousands and thousands of dollars. All that being said, I still love my dad and tried to continue a relationship with him. However, we'd make plans with him and he'd blow us off and cancel them because he was "sick" all the time. Recently, over the past few years, he has started to forget entire conversations with us kids. He'd call us, we'd talk, then he'd call back the next day and repeat everything he already said because he didn't remember even talking to us. I am assuming this is because he was either drunk or the drinking has affected his memory.

I emailed my aunt, his sister, before Knox was born to tell her I was concerned about his memory issues. She was very relieved I had mentioned it to her because they (his family) had been worried about him for a long time, but he won't listen to anyone, of course. He also thought we didn't know... yeah right, it's kind of obvious. I planned on having a discussion with him about it. But, after pregnancy issues, time went on without that talk occurring. Then, Knox was born. And my dad showed up drunk to the hospital to see him for the first time. That was really the last straw for me. It completely disgusted me. He put on a show in the waiting room, crying and acting all emotional about his new grandson. Really, he just wanted attention. He loves to talk about how much he loves us and how great we are when it's convenient for him to look like a good father. He had nothing to do with how any of us turned out, as far as I'm concerned. My mom talked to him at that point, he said he'd been talking to an addiction specialist and had been getting a shot once a week to help him quit (the shot makes him sick if he drinks). We were happy to hear this, hoping things would turn around.

A few days later, he called me and wanted to come see Knox. I said okay, he just had to drop my grandmother off at the beauty salon for a perm, first. He called back thirty minutes later saying she'd finished early and would come back another day. Shady. Turns out, he was lying. My grandmother called me later that night, wondering if I'd seen him because he never picked her up that day. I hadn't. He was in jail. He got arrested for DUI. Honestly, I thought it served him right, it's so dangerous to drive drunk, he was putting his own life and everyone else's at risk. After getting out, his license was temporarily suspended. He has been staying with my grandmother here in town (he lives out of town) since he can't leave on his own.

Several days passed when I got an email from my aunt. Basically, my dad had been violently ill (I'm guessing withdrawal?) for days and my grandmother can't handle taking care of him anymore because she's older. My aunt told me "you kids need to take responsibility for your dad." Uhm.... No? How exactly is it my job as the child to take care of the parent? And one that never took care of me to begin with? If this was my mom, sure, no questions asked. But that's not the case. He needs to put himself in rehab if he can't get sober on his own. I have no patience for his constant sob stories and need for sympathy. He drank. He drove. He deserved to get arrested! I don't feel sorry for him!

I emailed her back and pretty much told her that aside from giving him a ride to rehab, I am not going to have anything further to do with this. What a shock, I didn't hear back from her. He did a great job playing the role of awesome dad to his family, so they don't realize what a horrible father he was to us growing up. I told her a little bit, but I don't think she gets it.

Now, my grandmother calls me yesterday to give him a ride to his attorney's office. Am I absolutely horrible for saying no? I don't see how it's my job to clean up his mess. I have honestly tried to give him my forgiveness, but he has abused it over and over again. I am so frustrated with this, and I don't see how he can act like he's this great father and that I should be oh-so-willing to help him with whatever he needs. I think it's ridiculous.

Ornery Baby!

Knox has been extra "sweet" over the past week. In addition to ripping my nipples off at every feeding recently, he has taken a liking to being held chest to chest, and by liking I mean he'll scream until you hold him that way. Proof that I can do nothing requiring two hands anymore (including my hair, obviously):



And, yes, I typed this one-handed.

And the winner is....

The winner of my Fairhaven Health supplement giveaway is...

ONCE UPON A TIME!!

Congratulations on winning the nursing blend! Shoot me an email at thesouthernbellebaby (at) yahoo (dot) com so I can get your prize delivered ASAP. Thanks to everyone for entering!


In case you're wondering, I listed each entry separately in order of receipt, then used the random number generator to choose entry #40, which was the winner. :)

I may seriously regret this later.

Trevor and I have made a MAJOR life decision. He and I are... getting rid of our cable. !!!!! I seriously never thought I would type those words, being a serious television addict. We had a long talk last night about changing our current lifestyle. This is something we have been wanting to do for a while (the lifestyle change, not cable), and we decided that this was a good first step that would give us enough of a kick in the butt to make a difference.

This decision has many different layers to it. Firstly, it will help us to get closer as a family and spend our free WITH each other, rather than just NEXT to each watching TV. It's too easy to come home, flip on the television and waste the hours away. I know that I am really, really bad about this. I seriously adore watching TV, and I think that's not such a good thing. We will spend our time, now, talking to each other, playing with Knox and improving our familial relationship.

Secondly, we want to change the way we live. We have been wanting to improve our relationship with God and become better Christians. This is going to be a long road and will not happen overnight, but I think removing the influence of TV is a good start. By doing so, we will have more time to focus on the important things our lives and have time to devote to this religious "improvement" if you will. Let me tell you, it is going to be HARD to give up my "Real Housewives" on Bravo, my dearly beloved TLC and Food Network. But for every "nice" thing on TV, there is also a not-so-nice thing right behind it. Nixing the satellite dish will help us resist temptation because I know that I would not be able to watch less if it was still available to me.

Today's society can be pretty depressing to think about- there is so much negativity and generally bad stuff out there. We really want to expose Knox to the best things possible and leave out all of the filth, violence, etc. the modern media feeds us. We aren't going to become technology haters- we're still going to use our televisions- we have hundreds of DVDs, so we can still have a family movie night, but the gist is that we don't want to get consumed by it any longer. I will keep you guys updated on my satellite withdrawal (which will surely occur) and let you know how this experiment turns out. For now, DirecTV, fare well. And give me that extra $100 a month... I need some new jeans.


Because I would rather spend my time watching him:

Note to Self:

Do not try to trim your own side bangs. Otherwise, you'll end up with full-fledged bangs ala 1998. Score.

I wonder what the growth rate of hair is...


P.S. Tomorrow is the last day of the giveaway, so don't forget to enter! (Look down to do so)

Create-Your-Own Giveaway

Because you guys are so awesome, here is some free stuff! My friends at Fairhaven Health have generously sponsored this giveaway in which you can pick your prize. Fairhaven sells tons of natural products related to fertility, pregnancy and nursing. You can take your pick of these awesome supplements by entering. My husband used the FertilAid for men, and I have purchased Preseed (on the site) and used that while we were TTC. Check our their Web site for more good stuff. Now, in order to enter to win one of the following supplements (your choice) all you have to do is this:

Each of the following equals an entry. Comment and tell me which you did.

1) Comment on this post to let me know which of the four supplements below you'd like to win
2) Become a follower of my blog
3) Vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs (link to the right)
4) Tell me what you'd like to read about here

That's it! I will leave this giveaway open until February 21- enter until then, and I'll post a winner Monday!

Knox=Troublemaker

This whole apnea thing is scaring the shit out of me. I seriously get up dozens of times each night to make sure he's breathing. I feel like all I do is watch his chest to ensure it's still rising and falling. He has stopped breathing much more today, and I finally couldn't take it anymore and called the doctor's office again. I talked to a nurse and asked if it was possible to get a monitor or something for peace of mind. She said she'd get back to me. Dr. T called me back and said that after all we have been through with Knox and his NICU stay and heart issues, it was totally understandable that I was stressed out about this. He called in an order for an apnea monitor, and the pharmacy is delivering it tonight and teaching us to use it. Hopefully, he'll only have to be on it for a couple of weeks, and we will be able to see a decline in these episodes.

I am so emotionally worn out. I love this boy with every fiber of my being- it's impossible to put into words. I look at him and I literally hurt because I love him so much. Sometimes I sit and look at him and just cry because I feel so much for him. When your child experiences issues like this, no matter how "normal" they may be, it's enough to terrify you. Each time I get up at night to feed him, I thank God that he's still alive. That's how scared I've been about this. I am petrified that I will wake up and he'll be blue and not breathing. I am so, so thankful we're getting this monitor!

Despite all of this breathing stuff, he doesn't seem to be too bothered.


We started with cloth diapers today, and so far, I am hating these Kissaluv fitteds! I am really shocked because I was so pumped to start them. Knox is very even-tempered, and when he started screaming earlier, I couldn't figure out why. Then I realized it was because he was soaked. The cover keeps the pee contained, but the whole fitted diaper was drenched and Knox did NOT like having all that pee touching him! It's not like he sat in it for a long time, I had just changed him into it. I think the pocket diapers will be much better, but they are massive on him. Hopefully these will grow on me because I paid $230 to rent them and will only get a $120 store credit when they're returned, so sending them back isn't an option!

*Make sure to check back tomorrow for an awesome giveaway!!*

One Month Old!

Today is my little guy's one month birthday! I cannot believe how fast this month has passed, and it makes me realize just how quickly he is going to grow up. As of today, this kid weighs NINE pounds SIX ounces!!! That is a weight gain of one pound and six ounces in only eight days. The doctor was even surprised! I guess the breast milk is doing it for him. :)

At one month old, Knox is an old pro at eating (obviously with that weight gain!) and is a great sleeper. He sleeps for three and a half to four hour stretches at night before he wakes up to eat, but he goes directly back to sleep afterwards. He no longer screams in the bathtub, just sits there all curled up and holding onto my hand for dear life. He loves to be held chest to chest and go to sleep like that on me or Trevor. He is much more awake, now, and for more often, and likes to look around at everything. He is getting better at focusing on faces, but not for long before those eyes are going again. He hates tummy time and generally refuses to participate, so we do tummy time on mom or dad's chest a lot!

Knox at one month old:







I took him to the doctor today because I noticed Knox would stop breathing in ten second increments when he was sleeping on my chest. This obviously freaked me out, but the pediatrician is not concerned at this point. It could be related to reflux or his congestion. He said to monitor him a few times a day and to call back if it lasts for 15 to 20 seconds, he turns blue or doesn't self-correct. We're also supposed to use saline drops more often during the day in his nose. Dr. T doesn't foresee it being a problem, so let's hope he's right. Chill out, Knox, and stop giving your mother heart palpitations!!

Oh, and you should have heard him scream when the doctor looked in his ears! You would have thought he was being stabbed. He had tears pouring out of his eyes, totally red-faced and could barely breathe he was crying so hard. Dr. T had to give him back to me and come back in five minutes to listen to his heart so he could calm down. It made me want to cry seeing him like that!

Just Because...

He's so freaking cute.



Stud Muffin.


He seriously makes the BEST faces! LOL.


Blue Steel. One of his favorites. :)

Postpartum body

Since Knox's birth, I have lost a total of 27 pounds. I have eight more to go to reach my pre-pregnancy weight. Of course, I'd like to lose 18 more to get back to pre-TTC weight. Once I went off of birth control, the PCOS really kicked in and I gained ten pounds almost immediately. I am happy that I have lost so much in the four weeks since he was born without really doing anything to get rid of it. I am eating enough (probably more than enough considering how many brownies I have downed in the past few weeks) for sure, I would not jeopardize my milk supply to get skinny faster! I am sure a lot of the weight loss is due to breast feeding, too. I am just going to try to eat healthy (Knox's reflux helps me there- no piece of fried goodness is worth watching him cry because him tummy hurts!) and exercise moderately once I am allowed to.

I decided to torture myself this week and try to put on a pair of my pre-pregnancy jeans. Uhm... NO. I managed to squeeze into one pair of them, but looked like a stuffed sausage with my fat gushing over the sides. Although I couldn't even squeeze my leg into the same pair the week before, so there's progress. I am getting thinner, but my body... it will never be the same. My boobs are slightly bigger, but are ravaged by stretch marks from the few days of huge boobs in the hospital. My belly escaped stretch mark-free (surely because he was early), but my side... as Trevor said, it looked like I was mauled. I don't see how I will wear a bikini ever again with those suckers. And I am still sporting the linea negra. It has faded some, but I am ready for that to be gone!! It looks way more disgusting without a pregnant belly present. I know breast feeding prolongs its stay, so I don't know how long I'll be stuck with it, but I won't be sad to see it go!

I feel good on the one hand that I'm making progress, but I feel like I will never look as good as I once did. That's not meant to sound snotty or vain, but I used to have a cute, fit body! No longer. I feel pretty disgusting and ugly right now- none of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit right because they're too tight, but maternity clothes are too big, and I feel like my face will never be skinny again! I also run around the house with no make-up on and my hair is always a mess, so that doesn't help me feel better about myself. But I am pretty sure Knox doesn't care how I look. As long as I have a boob for him, he's happy to stare at me. At least my captive audience thinks I'm pretty. :)

It's so weird because I have such conflicting emotions. Part of me still marvels that my body was able to carry and deliver such a precious miracle. At the same time, I hate my body for making me feel so gross and lumpy.

Let me make it very clear that my new *awesome* body is WELL worth it for what I got out of it. Seriously, I'd look pregnant forever if it meant I got to be his mother. I'd do it a million times over for Knox, he's way better than prancing around in some skimpy bathing suit.

Post baby stretch marks and stomach:




Me and my current double chin. But look at my handsome boy!:


The old me. Fare thee well, hot college girl. You won't be showing that stretch mark-free cleavage for long....rock it while you still can. (I'm totally growing out my hair again though):

Holy, Snow!

Dude. It is snowing. In the middle of normally humid, blazing hot South Carolina. Amazing!! Abby is enjoying it, although she keeps getting snowflakes in her eyes and going all squinty. :)

Mucho Awards

I have been a major slacker with these awards. Sorry! I have been the recipient of several awards over the past few weeks, and due to the demands of Knox, I have not had the time to do a post on them, but I am now making the time! Thanks to all of the awesome ladies who awarded me!!

Thanks to Mrs. Foreste for these!
Sunshine Blog Award:

The rules for accepting this award:
Put the logo on your blog.
Pass the award along to 10 fellow bloggers.
Link to those nominated within your post.
Let the nominees know they've received this award by commenting on their blog.
Share the love & link to the person from whom you received this award.
_________
Lemonade Stand Award

Happy 101 award:
List 10 things that make me happy.
Try to do at least one of them today.
Tag 10 bloggers that brighten my day.
For those 10 bloggers that get the award, you then link back to my blog & create your own "makes you happy" list.

10 Things that make me happy:
1. Knox
2. Trevor
3. When Abby the dog does NOT bark (like right now... it's a miracle)
4. A clean house (just not the actual cleaning part)
5. A full bank account
6. Cooking dinner- I really LOVE to cook!
7. Getting dressed up. I love an excuse to get dolled up and spend forever doing my make-up.
8. Sex. I miss it. So does Trevor. He's told me 874 times.
9. Disney World. As soon as we get rich, we're going back. We have to do everything the same as we did at our honeymoon, though, or it just won't be as fun. So we need about $5K so we can stay at the Wilderness Lodge, do the dining plan + wine add on, park hopper, etc. I can't wait!
10. Blogging. I really like it!
_________

Lemonade Stand award:
Put the lemonade logo in your blog or in your post.
Nominate 10 blogs with great attitude or gratitude.
Link the nominees within your post.
Let them know they've received this award by commenting on their blog.
Share the love & link to the person from whom you received this award.

__________

Thanks to my girl, t.bird, for the Beautiful Blogger Award! She's awesome, y'all, check out her blog and vote for her on Top Mommy Blogs!

1. Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog.
2. Copy the award and paste it to your blog.
3. Tell us 7 interesting facts about yourself.
4. Nominate fellow bloggers that you love and link up to their blog

7 Interesting Facts:
1. I once tried out for "The Real World" in college. I made it to the third round of casting. Can I just say thank God that didn't happen?!!
2. I hated sweets until I got pregnant with Knox. Now, even after he's here, I am now a chocolate addict.
3. I am addicted to television. Truly. I need to just quit cold turkey, but I can't. I have a huge laundry list of shows I can't miss. At least I used to. Now that the little man is here, though, I don't think I've watched one of "my shows" except for 19 Kids and Counting.
4. I wish I could be a Betty Crocker/ Susie Homemaker type all the time. This isn't super interesting, but it's true. I would love for nothing more than to spend the day taking care of Knox, cleaning the house and having dinner ready and on the table when Trevor got home from work. Heavenly.
5. I have the worst road rage EVER. Trevor is afraid I'm going to get shot one day. I am trying my best to calm in down in preparation for the "I'm going to repeat everything you say" phase Knox will inevitably go through. Otherwise, he'll be yelling "Get the fuck over, moron!" when he's two.
6. I love to cook, but I do not like to bake. I prefer to operate outside of the confines of a recipe.
7. I'm totally going to the new Harry Potter theme park this summer. I am that big of a nerd.
_____________

Thanks to KatherineAnne for this one!
Best Blog Award

The Instructions for the Best Blog Award:
1.) To accept this award you must post it on your blog with the name of the person who granted you the award and link back to them.
2.) Pass the award on to approximately 15 other bloggers that you recently discovered and think are great.
3.) Contact the bloggers and let them know they have been chosen for the award.
4.) List 3 things you would like to learn how to do.

3 Things I'd like to learn to do:
1. Surf- Trevor surfs and I would love to do it, too. I just have to get over my fear of being eaten by a shark, first. I am literally terrified I will get eaten.
2. Play the guitar- I would really love to be able to pick up an instrument and just play it. Plus, girls that play the guitar are sexy.
3. Be patient. I think it's a lost cause.

In an effort to consolidate, I am giving the same ten girls all of these awards. Post whichever ones you want to on your own blogs, ladies!

t. bird
Lindsey
nlvaden
Cate
Mrs. Southern Belle
Erin
Shannon
Crunchy Baby
Anne
We're Expecting

And bbjoys gave me on, but her blog went private before I could get it! Send me an invite, please, bbjoys!!

Explosive Poop + Projectile Vomit= One Fun Night

Wow. Last night was super awesome. We got back from visiting the NICU (to show off Knox to his favorite nurses that took such good care of him) and delivering them some thank you goodies, and just had a chilled out night. We decided to lay in bed and relax before going to sleep. Trevor passed out, of course, and I stayed up because I had to feed Knox again before going to sleep. We had an uneventful feeding in bed (so I thought) and finished up around 12. When I went to pick Knox up, I noticed a very large wet spot on the sheets, and another on his back. POOP EVERYWHERE. He took an explosive poop right out the back of his diaper. It was disgusting and all over his back. Damn disposables! [Yes, we are going to cloth diaper, and our newborn rental from Sunshine Diapers has been ordered, but we had planned on using disposables for the first week or so until things calmed down, and we could handle another load of laundry a day. I cannot wait for them to get here... disposable diapers suck!]

I cleaned him up and put him to bed. Trevor was sound asleep and I really didn't want to wake him up, so I spot cleaned the sheet as best I could with intentions of changing it in the morning.

I woke up again for a 6:00 feeding. Things went great, he was starving and ate pretty quickly. I propped him up to burp him and briefly thought "Maybe I should move the burp cloth underneath him..." when it happened. Projectile baby puke. EVERYWHERE. All down my side, hitting both bra and underwear, all over the throw pillow I was using to prop up my arm, all over the fitted sheet and top sheet. The sound of the vomiting plus my gasp woke Trevor up. The kid does not spit up often, he has maybe done it six or seven times total, so I don't expect it when it happens. And I mean, he threw up everything he had eaten. I love how those baby books try to tell you that even though it looks like a lot of spit up, it's really not. Uh, no, this was at least a cup of puke.

I was so frustrated. I was tired, soaked in puke and Knox (poor guy) just looked confused. We had to get out of bed, change the sheets, I had to re-feed Knox who decided he was hungry again, not surprisingly, and I have to say... it was not fun. I have had a couple of these moments, generally in the middle of the night, where things just don't go right, and I feel like I am going to scream and cry at the same time. I know that's part of motherhood (the part that makes you need a glass of wine) so I am trying to embrace it and not have a break down every time, but man, it's hard to remain calm during those incidents!

Anyway, lesson learned. I will be covered all of Knox, myself and surrounding areas when burping him. Hopefully tonight will be a calmer one!

Reflux

We took Knox to the doctor on Monday because for a couple days, he had been drawing up after eating and crying. It seemed like gas to me, so I was giving him Mylicon drops. It worked sometimes, but not every time. The doctor said it seems like reflux. Damn! The good news is that since I am breast feeding, we don't have to jump right to taking Zantac. I can try changing my diet first to see if that helps. Luckily, it seems to have worked! It makes perfect sense- in the hospital and in our first week at home, my diet consisted of deli sandwiches (making up for lost time!) and lots of fruit, so it was pretty mild. Then, over the weekend, I partook in some... er, fried things. Okay, lots of fried things. Poor Knox, his belly wasn't quite ready for all of that!

I guess this keeps me honest in my diet. I would be tempted to eat more unhealthily, but now that I know it affects Knox, I won't be doing that!

Oh, and my big boy is up to 8 pounds! That's over a pound gained in about two weeks! Woo hoo!

Happy Due Date, Knox!

I have had this day circled on my calendar for months and months. Even though he wasn't born on this day, it will always hold significance for me. It's the date I have thought about, planned around and anticipated since being told at our first ultrasound. It's still surreal to me that he is here and not in my belly. Sometimes, I think I feel him kicking (nope, just gas), and it takes a second for me to realize, wait, he's right here in my arms. Even though I had always felt that Knox would come early, once that moment arrived, I couldn't help but feel slightly terrified. But once I was in the hospital room, I was instantly okay. I was ready to give birth to him, to meet him. I think about the long months of anticipating his arrival, and how in just one second, he's here. And I'm changed forever. My life is totally different from the way it was before. Sure, everything else is technically the same, there's just one more person in the mix. That one person, though. Is everything. Such a tiny, little guy has made the biggest impact on me and changed my life in more ways than I can count. My priorities, my goals, my dreams, everything revolves around him and his little fuzzy head. My marriage is stronger and more loving, my life is more full and my home is a happier place. All because of him.

Whoops. Mommy Fail.

So... I kinda made some of Knox's hair fall out. !! I was giving him a bath and used the scrubby hair brush they used in the NICU to try to banish some of his cradle cap flakes, and it apparently made his hair thinner. I feel horrible! Granted, he still has a head full, but now it's way thicker in the back than it is on top. He's like a tiny old man with a thinning mullet. Poor baby, his mommy sabotaged his cool do. I will definitely be exercising restraint from now on when I scrub his little head!

Growing boy and Three Weeks Old!

We had our follow-up visit with the pediatrician on Thursday. The first was last week, so it's been nine days since we were there last. At the first appointment, Knox had lost some weight, which is normal, and he was about 6lbs 14oz. This week, he weighed 7lbs 11.5 ounces. That's a weight gain of 13.5 ounces in only nine days!! Great job, Knox! The doctor was very pleased with this, and said Knox looks great, overall. He also said "He's got some hair, doesn't he? That's so cool." It cracked me up. We go back again in a month, around the same time we have a follow-up with the cardiologist.

The initial cardiologist visit on Monday went great, too, and the doctor anticipates no long-term issues with Knox because of the SVT. We were very happy to hear that! He will stay on his medicine for six months and then go off of it. They did an EKG on him when we were there, and it looked great. Basically, most babies grow out of this fast heart rate, and that's what they think Knox will do, as well. We have not seen any evidence of another Tachycardia episode since he's been on the medicine, which is definitely a good thing.

Today, our little guy is THREE weeks old! How did that happen?? I do believe he is in the midst of a growth spurt, as well. He wants to eat constantly. He had been going about four hours at night between feedings, but now, he doesn't go two and a half before he's wailing for more. That's fine by me, he's a growing boy and needs more food! I really love breast feeding, and I feel like things are improving on that front. My right nipple is feeling much better- I think it must have been bruised or something. It still hurts when Knox latches on vigorously, but feels better when his latch is correct. Sometimes I have to re-position him five or six times, but it's worth it for a pain-free nursing session.

We re-visited the lactation consultant this week because of the nipple pain I was having, and to check on Knox's latch and how much food he was getting. Everything looked great. If your hospital has lactation consultants available when you have a baby, utilize them! It makes me feel so much better to know that he's getting enough food, and I'm doing things right. Breast feeding doesn't always work perfectly right away, and it really helps to have a pro show you the ropes.


Lifting his head all by himself:

Best Buddies... How cute is this?!

Knox finally got to meet his new best friend, Noah. They are too cute together! Knox looks like such a shrimp next to Noah who is five months old, but I am sure things will even out between them eventually. :) I am so excited to watch them grow up together and become as good of friends and their daddies (and mommies!) are. Precious!



Lindsey and I with our boys

Cole and Trevor with their sons

Baby swap


By the way, you guys are AWESOME! After posting my request for shameless self promotion (through the Mommy Blog voting link) I jumped from #108 to #50 within a few hours. My readers rock! Keep those votes coming, you can vote once a day, and I really appreciate it!

Wanna do me a favor?

Vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs if you dig my flow. And I promise never to say that again.

Click on the link to the right, and that click will add a vote to my tally. I'm #108 at the moment, and I'd love to bust into the top 100. Thanks, guys!!

Without further ado... I give to you: my husband.

Hey it's Trevor, Jessica's Husband. She put me up to this. So here it goes.

nlvaden wants to know:

1. What were you thinking as Jess was pushing? Scared? Nervous? Grossed out?
I was actually anxious and very excited. After she got the epidural it was all downhill from there. Before the shot I was terrified.

2. Now that Knox is home, what is one thing that you were not expecting about being a new father?
Well, I pretty much was expecting all of the feelings I've had. I wasn't expecting how obsessed I'd be with keeping his surroundings clean and safe. I love Clorox wipes and hand sanitizer.

3. What is your favorite thing about being a father thus far?
Reading my boy bedtime stories. I hate to read, but love reading to him. I don't think I will ever miss a night.

4. What sort of changes have you noticed in Jessica since she has become a mother?
I haven't really noticed a particular change in her. She still drives me absolutely crazy with her worrying about every little thing. But I have noticed once Knox entered this world our relationship felt so much stronger.

***Questions 5&6 are for you and Jessica***
5: Favorite baby product so far?
Trevor: Diapers. They keep a nice barrier between me and the pee and poop.

Jessica: I would have to say the breast pump has been the most necessary and useful thing. I highly recommend getting one if you're breast feeding. I used one in the hospital before we came home, and I can't imagine how awful it would have been if I hadn't been able to use it to relieve engorgement. It would have been worth it just for that! Now, I have been using it to regulate and even out my supply. It's awesome.

As far as other more directly-related-to-the-baby stuff, the Boppy is just as awesome as I anticipated. Great for feeding, tummy time, sitting in, etc.

6: Most useless baby product so far?

Trevor: I don't get too much use out of the breast pump.

Jessica: Skinny burp cloths. Get the old skool cloth diapers to use at burp cloths. Knox is not a puker, but the five or so times he has spit up, it's been projectile. Try landing that puke on a skinny little piece of fabric. Uh, no. I am mainly using the burp cloths at this point to catch the breast milk that shoots out of my boobs while I am getting Knox situated to eat. They're all over the house.

I also have not used the nursing pillow (My Brest Friend), that's not to say I wouldn't, but the Boppy has worked great for the same job.

Lindsey wants to know:

1. How do you manage to put up with Cole [her husband/ my best friend that I work with] every single day?!
It's a give and take relationship. He gives me crap, I give him crap, and then we find something funny and laugh about it. I love him like a brother.

2. When is our next game of Apples to Apples??
Now! Come over. Please. Haven't played since last time we all played. Maybe this weekend after yall move in.

3. What is YOUR least favorite word? :) [Lindsey's is cream. I say it every time I see her... which is a lot.]
Well it used to be "poop", but since Knox I have gotten used to it. So now, rich, thick, creamy cream. And the only reason that it's my new least favorite word combination, is so that you will read it and think about it for the rest of the day.

Thusa wants to know:

1. Mr. JLT - When did you first know you wanted to propose to Mrs,JLT?
When all my friends started to propose to their girlfriends.

2. Did you pick the ring yourself?
Yes. I talked to the jeweler and had it custom-made. I was very picky and obsessive about my choice. I knew Jessica wanted a princess cut diamond. I learned all I could about clarity, cut, color and carats so I could make good choices. Currently, I am trying to convince Jessica to pawn it for a boat.

3. How many diapers have you changed since Knox has been home?
Ten or so. Only been peed on once. I guess you could say I have a 10:1 ratio.

4.What kind of work do you do?
I work for a non-profit organization dealing with donations.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would you live?
Alaska. It's wilderness, secluded, there's a bunch of animals, and I could wear a lot of flannel shirts. I could get one of those hats with the furry stuff in it, and I could wear boots all the time. Then, my wife couldn't yell at for having too many boots. I would have an excuse to throw my car into 4 wheel drive more often. I also wouldn't mind having a big bear for a pet. Oh, and there are moose. And for dinner I would eat salmon fresh out of the river in my backyard.

Angeline asked:

1. Is there anything in particular you might miss out on now that you have become a daddy?
Maybe the opportunity to take my MMA fighting to the next level. I don't think I would do that with a wife and child depending on me.

2. Do you want to try for baby #2 right away or wait a few years?
Wait a few years. Maybe even a decade.

3. How has becoming a father changed you as a person and your life as a whole?
It's made me a much better person. I strive to do well in everything I do so that I will be a great role model for him as he grows up. Everything I do is for him, now.

Casey asked:

1. Trey [her husband, me and Cole's friend] wants to know...when can we go camping?
Maybe sometime in March on the lake. Nowhere too far. If you want to go ahead and set it, we can go the second weekend in March.

Erin wonders:

1. From a male perspective, what is it like to deal with infertility issues?
Honestly, I was initially overwhelmed and nervous about having to spend that much money on it. The whole time, I had the feeling it would happen naturally, even though we were told it wouldn't. I had a lot of faith in God. That is why Knox is a true blessing.

2. How did you feel when your wish for a baby finally came true?
Unbelievably excited. Like all 26 Christmases I've ever had put into one.

3. How do you feel about more babies in the future? (I know it may be too soon to ask)
Babies? Yes. Jessica's worrying? No.

4. What emotions did you have when you first saw your sons face and then realized he looks just like you?
When I first saw him, I couldn't help but cry with excitement. It's cool that he looks like me, but that wasn't really a big concern for me.

Rebecca wants to know:

1. what advice would you give other expectant dads in the final days of their wives' pregnancies?
Sleep now.

2. what was going through your mind while JLT was in labor?
That is was finally about to happen. It was hard to see Jessica in pain before she got the epidural.

3. what was the first thought that entered your mind when you first saw Knox?
I'm a father.

Hope wonders:

1. Any advice for a new father for the first few weeks at home?
Sleep when you can. Be there for your wife, encourage her. Try to keep her mind focused on positives and not negatives.

2. Anything you wish you would have known before the birth?
I like surprises.

But really, when you're checking out your son on the scale, don't turn around because you'll see a river of blood pouring out of your wife's vagina.

3. What has surprised you most over the past few months?
The past two weeks, I've been surprised at how much Knox poops. During pregnancy, I was surprised at how much Jessica peed.

Brandy questioned:

1. What is your favorite thing about Knox's room?
The surfboards everywhere. I love the surfing theme.

2. Have you had to carry a diaper bag and purse at the same time yet?
Yep. In the hospital. I didn't mind. I also had to buy hemorrhoid pads at Target. That sucked.

3. Who do you think will win the Superbowl?
Da Bears!!

jCam asked:

1. What do you honestly think about Jess blogging?
It's a little too time consuming. Takes away from her dinner preparation time.

Really, I honestly don't care because I don't look at her blog.

2. Has your opinion changed from when she first started blogging to now? I know my husband gave me the side-eye at first!
I guess. Now that I realize what she's actually doing and talking about it's not so bad.


That was my first and last blogging experience. Hope you liked it.