Aw, remember when I was crazy pregnant? Wasn’t that so stressful fun?
I’m not gonna lie- I think about more babies a lot. I love Knox so much, I go back and forth over whether I would want five more because I do love him so much or whether I would want no more because I want to give him all of my attention. Lately, I settle on having five more (shhh, don’t tell Trevor… that number makes him nervous). We’ve talked about when we want to start trying again, but the reality of the situation is that we’re not on birth control, so if it happens, it happens. I don’t think that will be the case, just with our previous fertility issues and me still nursing, but I know that anything can happen… God could have something exciting in store for us. If it happens randomly, we’d both be excited, of course, and that would settle the whole discussion right there. If it’s left up to us, we would probably start trying when Knox is 2. I pray that all it takes is a little Metformin and a lot of prayer like before, but again, you never know.
I do think it’s funny how time erases certain memories, or at least the effectiveness of those memories. For example, I was a completely psychotic pregnant person. No really… I was certifiably off my rocker. I cried daily five times a day every other minute a lot, stressed out over every teeny tiny thing and drove my poor husband nearly out of his mind. In my head, I remember that. In my heart, not so much. What do I remember about pregnancy when I look back? Feeling Knox move, kick and squirm. Seeing him in ultrasounds. Daydreaming about how it would feel when I held him for the first time. All of the good things. Selective memory? You betcha. Even though I was a really bad pregnant person, the outcome was so worth it.
Of course, should there be a next time around, I’ll be better. I hope so, anyway. I will know that lightening crotch is normal and my baby isn’t about to bust out of my hoo ha. I will know that no amount of poking at my stomach will maim my child (okay, that one I knew last time, but I chose to still freak out over it). I will know what it feels like with those harmless Braxton Hicks turn into something entirely different. I will know to trust my instincts when something feels off. I will know to trust in God, above all, to take care of me and our baby. I didn’t do enough trusting last time, that I know for sure.
The gist of all of this rambling is this: I love being a mother. I love Trevor as a father. I love Knox. And I love LOVE. I can’t wait to see what lies ahead for us, but regardless of whether it’s no more babies or ten more babies (Trevor just passed out somewhere upon me typing that sentence), I have been so incredibly blessed. Life is good.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Love your new outlook on life. Everything that happens is for a reason and is part of God’s plan!
You are a great mom and I am sure the blogging world would love to see you go through this process all over again! But if you don’t we will all love you all the same! lol My husband and I are TTC and it is a crazy hard process, but one I have been trying to let go of and leave it up to God. Because in the end, we really don’t have any control over it. Excited to see what your future holds!
Thanks! Having faith is one thing that seems to work over anything else- I hope your TTC journey is a short one !
you’re so right!! pregnancy was AWFUL for me and still i would do it a million times for the outcome! being a mom is the best and i wouldn’t trade my pregnancy for the world. our kiddo is only 5 months and i’m so looking forward to the joy (and agony!) of getting to grow another little life!
I appreciated this post.
I was so thankful when we *finally* were pregnant with our little Zoe since we miscarried 6 months earlier. God is so good to give us our little angel, and whether we have more little angels running around later on in life, that’s great! If not, that’s ok too. It’s all up to the good Lord.
I hope you have another baby though!!
If it happens, it will happen! We said no more. Now we have an 18 month old! It’s God’s way telling you that still has a sense of humor!
Come by when you can….
Man I really need to have your outlook and trust the lord more. I’ve been stressing about money like crazy. Hubby just got a new job, thus doesn’t get paid till the end of the month. So not knowing sucks. I need to learn to just trust God and know that things will work out. I love that you have that already. It sure would be interesting to see if a baby will happen for you guys anytime soon.