May 2010

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you probably know about my father drama. In a nutshell, he’s an alcoholic that refuses to admit he has a problem or seek out professional help. If you want the full story click here and here to catch up on the whole ridiculous saga.

I just got an email from him a minute ago, and felt compelled to share this absurdity with y’all because I am SEETHING. For a tiny bit of background info, my grandmother (his mom aka “Ma-ma”) called me just before my brother’s graduation two weekends ago to tell me that my dad was still drinking and that it was getting worse. This after he “promised” to stop drinking and get help. I told her that if he showed up drunk to the grad party, he would most certainly NOT be holding Knox. Apparently, she really likes to divulge the content of private phone conversations, since this is the second time she has thrown me under the bus with him (and last, by the way… no more commiserating with her for me! Further conversations with her will consist of “yes”, “no” and “I understand”).

This is what he sent me (grammatical errors and all):

Jessica,
Why can’t you talk to me? My mother has told me of the things you have said about me. How dare you say the things about me and that you do not want me to hold you’re baby(MY GRANDCHILD) I am really upset about this.

I’m still you’re dad,

(Signed with his full name)

This, in itself, is pretty depressing because my dad is SMART. At least, he was smart before the alcohol rotted his brain. We’re talking genius IQ levels… what a freaking waste.

Here is my response:

Dad,

I am sick of this. I have talked to you. It did no good, obviously. What I told Ma-ma (when she called ME to complain about you continuing to drink all the time) is that I would not have you hold Knox in that state. That is what I said. And do not try to take possession of MY CHILD. It’s infuriating.

I don’t know what you expect me to say in response to this. That I am sorry? I am only sorry that you can’t seem to stop drinking and are ruining your own life and your relationship with your family. That’s all I am sorry about.

I do love you, and yes, you are my father, but I will not have any further interaction with you until you go to rehab. You cannot do this on your own, and you need to have professional help. I cannot continue to do this over and over again, and I won’t.

Jessica Full Name

If that seemed harsh, I can assure you, it’s not nearly harsh enough. This man has caused me more pain and aggravation that I care to recount, and you know what? I am done with it. And the whole “MY GRANDCHILD” thing? Don’t even, man. He has seen Knox maybe four times since he has been born. He has never cared about me or having a relationship with me past his own selfish motives, so he doesn’t need to feign an interest in Knox. He is using him for his own twisted satisfaction. He has always loved to brag about his kids (and now grandson) to other people to make himself look good when he was in no way responsible for how any of us turned out. We’re good people in spite of him, not because of him. I could rant all day, but I’ll go ahead and stop there. I’ve tried and tried, and you know… I am tired.

I am now awaiting his response. Should be good… I’m sure that somehow, this will all end up being “my” fault.

Update:
Here is his response, I didn’t reply, and I will not.

Hello,
You need to speak to me and stop talking to others. I am getting my life in shape. It seems that everyone wants to ridicule me. Give me a break! I love you. You should talk to me ME and stop talking to my mother! She has enough to worry about. All of this has been blown completely out of proportion. Knox is my grandchild and I want to see him. I promise you that I will be sober when I see him. It seems to me that it’s almost like a conspiracy against me. I have done so much for you. You know it.
Dad

Good grief, with the conspiracies! When we used to go on vacation and get stuck in traffic, it was a “conspiracy” or “God was punishing” him. Can we say SELF-INVOLVED?? He’s the most selfish, narcissistic person I have ever met. And I’d love to see an itemized list of all that he’s done for me. It’d be a short list that consisted solely of “provided half of genes.”

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