Monthly Archives: February 2010

Babysitting and Big Boobs

Today, I left Knox in the capable hands of my mom for THREE WHOLE HOURS!! Okay, it felt much longer than it actually was, but I came to the conclusion that I don’t like leaving my baby! I’ve left him for one hour increments with Trevor while I ran to Target or Publix, but this was our longest separation to date since leaving the hospital. My mom swears he didn’t know I was gone, considering that he slept the entire time. He had a bottle of breast milk to hold him over until I got home, when he promptly ate again.

I had to go to the mall, which is why I didn’t wait for this evening or Saturday and just have Trevor watch him (just say no to the mall on the weekends, people). I was in desperate need of a “real” nursing bra. I’ve been wearing stretchy sleep bras from Target that I bought before he was born since I didn’t know what size I’d be, but I haven’t been leaving the house much so it didn’t really matter. I went to Motherhood Maternity and apparently… I’m a 34D. ??? I got measured and everything. I swear they’re not that big, but sure enough, that massive size fit perfectly. I was an A cup pre-pregnancy, FYI. I still think they must be sized wrong or something! Oh, and I am really glad that the first bra I tried on fit because I totally leaked milk in it. That’s so nasty to think about- I really hope some other woman didn’t try on my new bras before I did and lactated all in them. Yeh, I’ll be washing those tonight!

I also went to Plato’s Closet to get some jeans. I decided that there was no way I was paying full price for jeans when I only have 4 pounds to go before I am at pre-pregnancy weight. Despite that fact, I seriously could not stand to wear my maternity pants anymore! It was a good plan, though trying on pants there is hard since they have a zillion brands all mixed together and all are sized differently. I ended up with a pair of Ann Taylor LOFT jeans and a pair from Express- for $24. So happy I did that! I am so glad to have an option other than pants with an elastic waist! I did some other small errands, too, but I won’t bore you with the details.

I’m just so glad to be back at home, cuddling my boy. He has learned to focus on my face, and I have to say, I love seeing those big, round, blue eyes staring back at me. It’s true love, I tell you. 😉

He smiled!! (And thank you!)

Knox just smiled at me! I had been getting worried because he doesn’t like to focus on faces, he turns his little head away when you look at him. But this morning, I was talking to him and he was really looking at me, and the side of his mouth turned up a couple times, then… a smile! Most beautiful sight EVER!

And thank you guys so much for all your comments on the post about my dad. I got so many sweet, heartfelt messages about situations that others have gone through, and it made me realize that I am not alone in dealing with this type of situation. It also made me feel much better about how I handled things with him. I refuse to enable this type of behavior! I want my son to grow up in the best possible environment, and I am not going to expose him to that. I just won’t. Can I just say that I am sorry so many of you know exactly what I’m going through with this? It sucks. :(

And just because it’s been too long… pictures of Knox:

If you have a minute, vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs- link to the right! We’re moving on up… #30!

Not my usual subject matter. Super long.

I don’t normally talk about family stuff on here, but this situation has really been bothering me, so I decided to share. My dad is an alcoholic. He always has been. Growing up around him was not overly pleasant- he had a really bad temper and just couldn’t handle the day-to-day fatherly duties. He usually worked out of town, so he was only really home on the weekends. My brother and I were always asking my mom to divorce him (we were probably around 6 and 7 at the time… that’s pretty bad!) because it was stressful being around their constant fighting. They divorced when I was 12, and it was a welcome change. My mom has always been a single parent in my eyes because of how he was.

I don’t feel slighted for not having a dad that was involved in my life because my mom was SO involved in our lives, and did a great job raising three kids on her own. He didn’t pay child support for YEARS and owes my mom thousands and thousands of dollars. All that being said, I still love my dad and tried to continue a relationship with him. However, we’d make plans with him and he’d blow us off and cancel them because he was “sick” all the time. Recently, over the past few years, he has started to forget entire conversations with us kids. He’d call us, we’d talk, then he’d call back the next day and repeat everything he already said because he didn’t remember even talking to us. I am assuming this is because he was either drunk or the drinking has affected his memory.

I emailed my aunt, his sister, before Knox was born to tell her I was concerned about his memory issues. She was very relieved I had mentioned it to her because they (his family) had been worried about him for a long time, but he won’t listen to anyone, of course. He also thought we didn’t know… yeah right, it’s kind of obvious. I planned on having a discussion with him about it. But, after pregnancy issues, time went on without that talk occurring. Then, Knox was born. And my dad showed up drunk to the hospital to see him for the first time. That was really the last straw for me. It completely disgusted me. He put on a show in the waiting room, crying and acting all emotional about his new grandson. Really, he just wanted attention. He loves to talk about how much he loves us and how great we are when it’s convenient for him to look like a good father. He had nothing to do with how any of us turned out, as far as I’m concerned. My mom talked to him at that point, he said he’d been talking to an addiction specialist and had been getting a shot once a week to help him quit (the shot makes him sick if he drinks). We were happy to hear this, hoping things would turn around.

A few days later, he called me and wanted to come see Knox. I said okay, he just had to drop my grandmother off at the beauty salon for a perm, first. He called back thirty minutes later saying she’d finished early and would come back another day. Shady. Turns out, he was lying. My grandmother called me later that night, wondering if I’d seen him because he never picked her up that day. I hadn’t. He was in jail. He got arrested for DUI. Honestly, I thought it served him right, it’s so dangerous to drive drunk, he was putting his own life and everyone else’s at risk. After getting out, his license was temporarily suspended. He has been staying with my grandmother here in town (he lives out of town) since he can’t leave on his own.

Several days passed when I got an email from my aunt. Basically, my dad had been violently ill (I’m guessing withdrawal?) for days and my grandmother can’t handle taking care of him anymore because she’s older. My aunt told me “you kids need to take responsibility for your dad.” Uhm…. No? How exactly is it my job as the child to take care of the parent? And one that never took care of me to begin with? If this was my mom, sure, no questions asked. But that’s not the case. He needs to put himself in rehab if he can’t get sober on his own. I have no patience for his constant sob stories and need for sympathy. He drank. He drove. He deserved to get arrested! I don’t feel sorry for him!

I emailed her back and pretty much told her that aside from giving him a ride to rehab, I am not going to have anything further to do with this. What a shock, I didn’t hear back from her. He did a great job playing the role of awesome dad to his family, so they don’t realize what a horrible father he was to us growing up. I told her a little bit, but I don’t think she gets it.

Now, my grandmother calls me yesterday to give him a ride to his attorney’s office. Am I absolutely horrible for saying no? I don’t see how it’s my job to clean up his mess. I have honestly tried to give him my forgiveness, but he has abused it over and over again. I am so frustrated with this, and I don’t see how he can act like he’s this great father and that I should be oh-so-willing to help him with whatever he needs. I think it’s ridiculous.

Ornery Baby!

Knox has been extra “sweet” over the past week. In addition to ripping my nipples off at every feeding recently, he has taken a liking to being held chest to chest, and by liking I mean he’ll scream until you hold him that way. Proof that I can do nothing requiring two hands anymore (including my hair, obviously):

And, yes, I typed this one-handed.

And the winner is….

The winner of my Fairhaven Health supplement giveaway is…


Congratulations on winning the nursing blend! Shoot me an email at thesouthernbellebaby (at) yahoo (dot) com so I can get your prize delivered ASAP. Thanks to everyone for entering!

In case you’re wondering, I listed each entry separately in order of receipt, then used the random number generator to choose entry #40, which was the winner. :)

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