I mean, seriously amazing. Not only did we get to see our precious baby moving and wiggling around, but we got to let the cat out of the bag and finally tell people we’re having a baby. We had already told our parents, siblings and close friends, but we got to tell all the other family members and friends yesterday, and it was SO much fun! I had gotten so used to keeping the secret, I had begun to feel like I could keep it forever. After telling the first person, my great aunt, I changed my mind about that! Everyone was so thrilled for us. Only a handful knew about the IF issues (namely my cousin and aunt that also had to use fertility treatments), but they were especially excited to hear the news. I am so grateful that this baby is coming into a family that is so excited to welcome it into the world.
On a funny note, Trevor was looking at the u/s pictures again last night and came to the raccoon picture (creep skeleton face- see post below for pic) and said “Well, it definitely has your face… I’ve seen that look a time or two.” I completely cracked up! He is such a hilarious husband. He was having the best day yesterday and really enjoyed telling everyone. He said it feels more real now that everyone knows and after seeing the baby on the NT scan looking like a little person. We also broke the news on Facebook, so I feel like it’s official!
I was SO incredibly nervous for this NT scan, but everything looked amazing! I am so thankful for this pregnancy and this fabulous baby. Of course, our little squirt was incredibly stubborn and didn’t want the u/s tech to measure his neck, so he remained facing the ultrasound probe for most of the time. It was my first over-the-belly ultrasound, which was easier to relax for. At first, the baby was really still, but apparently he was just asleep because soon he was rudely awakened by me coughing (per the tech’s instructions).
We saw the little face, which DH says looks likes a raccoon (and it totally does!). Everytime I looked over at Trevor, he was either grinning from ear to ear or laughing while watching our little acrobat flipping around and doing headstands. After making me roll over and poking several spots in my belly, we finally discovered that the baby did NOT like to be poked on the right side, so that made him move. We got the neck measurement, which was around 1mm, so that is great since less that 3mm is what we were shooting for.
Seeing the babe moving around with the little arms and legs flailing about was the coolest thing ever. We just both kept laughing. It was the weirdest thing knowing all that movement was going on in my belly and not being able to feel any of it. I can’t wait until I can feel him/ her move! We did see the baby crossing its little ankles, which was so freaking cute.
Our next appointment is at 16 weeks, and we’ll do the multiple marker screening blood test and all that fun stuff. Our 20 week is so far away, so we may go to a local ultrasound place to find out the sex earlier! I’ll let you know. For now, I am content to stare at the pictures of our little raccoon baby.
(These pictures scanned weird at work, so I will re-scan at home to make them bigger!)
I have been wanting to write this post for a while, but didn’t really know where to start. I know a lot of the ladies that follow my blog are either suffering through the supreme crappiness of IF or have dealt with it previously. Infertility, I have discovered, is something that never leaves you, even after you see a positive pregnancy test. I want to clarify that I am in no way discounting this pregnancy or how incredibly blessed I am to have achieved it. I merely want to make a PSA of sorts to let people know that IF is not a passing affliction.
Anyone that has dealt with IF will tell you that dealing with the emotions surrounding trying to get pregnant are far worse than any physical pain/ testing you have to endure. You start to feel completely hopeless, especially when you get a diagnosis that solidifies the fears you already had, that yes, you are dealing with something that could keep you from ever being a parent. I will never forget the day we were told we needed to go straight to IVF. That was one of the most hopeless, miserable days of my life thus far. I cried hysterically all day long, knowing that we could never afford to pay for it OOP and that it would take years to be able to save up for just one shot. It is a horrendous feeling.
I will never be one of those women that forgets what it is like to deal with IF, and I don’t understand those that can forget so easily. I still deal with the scars that IF left on me daily. I swear that it robbed me of ever feeling carefree and relaxed about pregnancy. When you spend months or years panicked that you will never get pregnant, when you finally do, trust me that the fear does not stop: it’s just transferred to another subject. From the second I found out I was pregnant, I was stressed to the max worrying about every single step of the way. I was terrified it would be taken away from me. You are really robbed of all feelings of contentment and relaxation. I don’t know about you guys, but before I got pregnant, I started to question myself wondering why we had to deal with these infertility issues. Of course, I started to blame myself. Maybe I was being punished for being a bad person and I deserved all of it. I think it’s impossible not to wonder “why me?” at some point.
To this day, I still feel a stab of jealousy when I see a pregnant woman. Isn’t that bizarre? I know in my head that I am pregnant, but I guess my heart still feels the wounds of IF, and momentarily I forget what’s real. I am so grateful for this pregnancy, and I think that part of being grateful is never forgetting how we got here. The rough journey makes me appreciate the success that much more. For all of you ladies still dealing with the pain and worry of IF, you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope you get your baby soon.
Well, my friends, it appears that the bloat is gone. I woke up this morning to a flatter stomach than I have seen in a while. I attribute this new skinniness to the prunes that I added to my diet. Let’s just say, they cleared me out good. I really liked my fake baby belly, even though I knew it was just bloat, it is still sad to see it go. I guess that this means I am one step closer to a “real” baby belly now that the bloat has hit the road.
I am still using my doppler daily, and it seems that the little babe is still doing okay in there. Heartbeat is still fast and strong. NT Scan on Thursday! Eeep!
AND… we’re 12 weeks today! Craziness!
So, I had a super off-the-wall dream last night. We were going to our NT scan, and even in the dream, I was a nervous wreck. My doctor was Will Smith. LOL. Dr. Fresh Prince started my ultrasound, and measured the fluid behind the neck, etc. and said it all looked good, but he needed a closer look. So, he pulled the baby out. I don’t know where he pulled it from, but this was a dream, people, the details aren’t so clear. I said “Aw!!” and held the baby in one hand. It had it’s umbilical cord, still attached to me, but the doctor put a bunch of tubes in his little nose to knock him out. Apparently, the baby looked excellent, and we saw that it was a boy. As soon as the “doctor” put the baby on the table, I got a panic attack and said “Okay, put him back in right now!” It’s like I suddenly realized that a 12 week old fetus should not, in fact, be on an examination table, but in my belly. Dr. Will Smith told me, “We can’t put him back in until he wakes up or he’ll drown.” Random. By this point, I am freaking out and demanding in a not-so-nice way that he put that baby back in me NOW. Finally, he slices open my belly and sticks the baby back in. We then had to wait for an hour before we could use the doppler to make sure he was still alive. Thankfully, he was. That was the most screwed up dream ever! However, I kind of liked it because I got to “see” the baby, which was cool, but I think I would rather him stay in me until February, thanks!