So, I got a call from a friend last night telling me that one of her friends (that I have met previously) was looking with her fiance for a house to buy in my area. My awesome friend talked our house up to her and gave me her phone number. I talked with her last night and she seemed really excited about it. I sent her some pics to show her fiance and she is supposed to get back to me with a time to come and see it. This would be the best thing ever if they wanted the house. We wouldn’t have to pay a commission to our agent if I found the buyer, and could do For Sale By Owner, which would save us thousands of dollars in commission. We could give these people a good deal on the house and actually break even, which would be fantastic! I am really keeping my fingers crossed for this one.
So, I just talked to the RE’s office, and I really lucked out. They had a cancellation for THIS Thursday! Otherwise, I would have had to wait until May to get in. I hope this is a sign of more good luck to come. Apparently this first visit is just a consultation-type visit, but the woman I spoke with said it’s possible that the RE will want to do blood work, too. I’m really interested to talk to her and find out how this will all work.
I didn’t even have chance to get a BFN considering AF started the second I got into the bathroom this morning. I knew it was coming, it still makes me sad, but I haven’t had an emotional breakdown or anything. I am really trying to focus on my relationship with my husband and not think about TTC constantly. We have been doing great (aside from the two day argument last week), and I want to keep it that way. I know it puts a strain on us when I let the disappointment and sadness get to me so much. It’s not fair to either one of us. I think we’re going to start spending more time together and going on more “dates” and try to create a life outside of TTC because it really has become the focus.
We are going to an RE this month (hopefully), and I know that it will give us the best possible chance of getting pregnant. I look forward to meeting the doctor and hearing her thoughts on our situation and our prognosis. I know this is for the best.
We had our second showing today. We were supposed to have another at 2, but they called back and cancelled. It’s really gross outside today and raining like crazy. At least I had time to finish up my painting projects that didn’t quite get finished last weekend. This morning’s showing called an hour before they were coming, so we had to rush around like crazy to vacuum, change the litterbox, straighten, etc. I barely got out of the house in time. I guess they stayed for about twenty minutes. I should totally set up a nanny cam or something so I can see what people think of the house. I think it shows pretty well, especially compared to the other houses on the market in the same price point. I hope things move quickly!
I panicked after being home for about half an hour and realized that I hadn’t seen the kittens. They got locked in the basement. Those damn cats are obsessed with sneaking down there when you open the door, so I guess they realized the realtor wouldn’t know they weren’t supposed to go down there and took advantage of it. Little sneaks.
An ode to things that I want so desperately to have.
I want to see two pink lines instead of one.
I want to cancel my VIP Fertility Friend membership.
I want the only pills I take to be prenatal vitamins.
I want morning sickness.
I want to be able to have sex without wondering what will come of it.
I want to know what it’s like to pass the baby section without wincing.
I want to forget how much I know about infertility.
I want to throw away every getting pg book I own and replace them with baby books.
I want to gain weight for a reason other than eating too much (again).
I want to NOT be able to buy wine at the grocery store.
I want to make my husband lift heavy things and clean the litterbox.
I want to make ultrasound appointments to see my baby instead of my follicles.
I want to feel a kick from the inside.
I want to feel the pain of a natural birth.
I want to count to ten on tiny fingers and toes.
I want to feel my eyes burning after a sleepless night with a crying baby.
I want to make home-made baby food.
I want to clean scraped knees and kiss boo-boos.
I want to be hugged goodnight by tiny arms.
I want to read bedtime stories.
I want to be able to buy Hello Kitty or Superman bandaids at Target.
I want to turn my husband into a Daddy.
I want to be a Momma.
You know what sucks the worst about infertility besides the obvious? My mood fluctuates so much, even within the day, that I can’t get a handle on how to act/ think/ deal with myself. One second I am so hopeful that everything will be okay, the next I am furious at everyone and everything, then I’m terribly sad and sentimental (See above for sad and sentimental). I wish I would at least feel something consistently so I could make peace with it somewhat. Not that it would make a huge difference, but it could be helpful.